Puberty and "Poor Old Gal"

Today was one of the days at school that we, as teachers, dread. We only dread this day because the kids react in a way that is totally wound up. You see, today was puberty day in the fifth grade. That's right, they get the talk. No, not the sex talk, but your bodies may be changing talk. There was one boy in my class, who does have some psychological issues, that took an approach that I've never seen before. He came up to me a few hours before the talk, and we had this interaction:

Boy: Ms. F, I want to talk to you about puberty.
Me: Do you have a question about the talk today, or do you want to talk about puberty? Talking about puberty today will happen with the nurse.
Boy: It's about the talk. I meant to ask my parents to write a note. I decided I don't want to have puberty, so I don't need to go to the talk.
Me: You don't feel comfortable going to the talk?
Boy: No, I don't care so much about the talk. I just don't want to do puberty. I'm not going to..
Me: Sweetheart, everyone goes through puberty. You'll learn today that it happens naturally with your body.
Boy: Not mine! I don't want to.
Me: (taking a deep breath) You know what, why don't you go to the talk in case you and your body change your mind. At least you'll know what it's all about.
Boy: No, I'm not going to change my mind. (pause) Wait, is this the talk where we are separated from girls?
Me: Yup, and...
Boy: (cutting me off with a smile) No girls! I hate girls! Okay, I'm definitely going.

Here's some other funny puberty quotes:

"Does deodorant only go underneath your arms? Like just the arm pits or can you put it on other parts of your body for like extra protection?"

"I'm only going to wear "Old Spice" like my dad."

"Why does the girls deodorant say secret on it? What's the secret? Like is it not real deordorant?"


This is another interaction that happened with the same child as before actually. He had a melt down over a math test. It took me and a colleague to get this boy out from under a desk crying. One of my favorite things he said was, "I'm never going to be able to multiply fractions. I'm going to be an old grandpa that can't multiply fractions. Ms. F, you might as well call my mom and tell her I failed." One the strategies we tried was explaining to him that other people find different things difficult. We used the example of how my colleague isn't that great with computers, but she keeps trying. Today he walked in and said this to me: "Ms. F, I meant to ask you. How's Mrs. T doing with her (in a whispering voice) computer problems? I feel bad for her. Poor old gal! I just don't want to embarrass her by asking her to her face." So funny!

Surprise and Drama Queen

This year, I have an exceptionally sweet class. I don't know if I've mentioned this previously, but last year was a rough group (they were needy, whiny and often didn't get along). This morning two girls came over to me with a sign they made on a play date. It was a belated happy birthday sign and some cake they made. This sign was one of the greatest things I've ever seen, and it was not just because it was a sign made for me. It was because they took pictures of themselves in funny poses with their thumbs up. Underneath the pictures it says, "we give you two thumbs up." The fact that they spent time doing this, took cheesy pictures of themselves and wrote a cute message will mean that I will cherish this sign always. This is one of the things that keep me going (certainly not the money ;)).

Here's a free writing journal entry one of my students wrote about herself:

"I am one major drama queen. I even got a fake ID card at a bar mitzvah that says "Drama Queen" on it. Then there is a picture of me over the words. It is my official Drama Queen ID card. It is not just the ID card that makes me a drama queen though. My parents call me that because I am a big mouth. I also fake cry sometimes or act like other people. Really, I just like to stand out. I love acting. It is something that you can suddenly do to entertain yourself. If you get mad, I recommend that you imitate that person. If you are upset with yourself, you should make yourself laugh. Also, when you are happy, you should act out whatever made you happy. My parents say I could be an actress, a lawyer, or a comedian when I grow up. At least I have some sort of future."

Wow! There are so many troubling pieces of this to me, but it is just funny how honest she is. I wonder how often she imitates me....hmmm

Why Boys Have An Easier Life

On a free writing topic, a girl wrote an article called "Why Boys Have an Easier Life." Enjoy!

"I think boy have a waaaaay easier life than girls. Tes, it took be awhile, but I thought of ten reasons. First, do boys have to worry about how they look? I don't think so. They never go, "oh, my lips are chapped! where's my chapstick?!" I can't imagine a boy saying that. Second, can you picture a boy wearing makeup? No! Do they have to go to the make-up store? I think not! Third, boys actually know how to "reuse" their clothes, so their laundry bags at camp are always lighter. Number four, it's probably not hard to find clothes they like. They probably don't care that much about what they wear, and maybe their parents go to the store for them. Fifth, last time I checked, there were way more boy's shoes. Most sneakers are for boys. It is hard for me to find shoes I like. Instead of looking for new shoes this weekend, I spent my time counting if there were more boy shoes or girl shoes in the store. Which one do you think won? Number six, most of them have short hair, so they don't have to keep fixing it. That brings me to number seven and eight: 7) they don't get tangles and knots in their hair that hurt, 8) they don't have to wear a hair tie on their wrist in case they want to tie their hair back. Nineth, their bags are probably lighter because they don't have to carry around brushes and mirrors and stuff.Last one, the most important, boys don't wear Uggs. They're lucky that they don't have to worry about getting them ruined. If you want to add more to my list, tell me, so I can prove (especially to my annoying brother) that girls have harder lives."

Wow! She hasn't even started dealing with the really hard things about being a woman like periods, bras, cramps, mood swings, hair removal, catty women, etc. I also think that she didn't touch on how guys can pee standing up. That is a HUGE plus, and it has always simply fascinated me!

There is a great picture that goes along with this article as well. It is a stick figure of a girl with mangled hair, dirty Ugg boots and a frown. Standing next to the girl stick figure is a boy with short hair and a huge smile on his face. Maybe it is good she didn't mention the peeing standing up thing...she may have wanted to draw a picture of that...

The Bee & Some love trouble

I'm not sure if this is funny or fascinating...or maybe it is just funny that I find this fascinating:

Okay, you can jump to look at the picture, and think: why the hell would she put a picture of a dead bee on her blog? Well, what happened with this bee to incredible! The students were taking a math test, and this little bugger was buzzing around the room. Anytime a bug is in the room, it distracts them. This was irritating them and quite frankly me. I kept reassuring and encouraging them to keep working on their test. Many of the kids were able to refocus themselves. Then the bee landed on a girls desk, and she called me over. I will admit flat out that I went over to the desk with the intention of killing the bee. So I took a water bottle and tried to bash it. Unfortunately, the little pest squeezed itself into the little bubbles underneath the water bottle and was now angry. All I needed was for him to fly out from under the water bottle all pissed off and sting a kid. So, I asked a kid to bring me my stapler. I quickly lifted the bottle, and as the bee flew up, I bashed the stapler down. I hit the bee's head, and it popped off. So I actually decapitated the bee. You should have heard the cheering that went on in the classroom. "All right, Ms. F, that bee won't mess with you!" How many people can say they decapitated an insect? Now, look at the picture closely. Do you see the head separated from its body? I ended up walking around the classroom showing the kids. So an annoying and potentially dangerous classroom situation turned educational...not bad!



Now, on to fifth grade love trouble:

I was talking to this boy at dismissal because he looked sad. He said something that I found so funny!

Me: Hey, you're looking sad. Is everything okay?
Boy: Ms. F, it's Betty.
Me: What's going on?
Boy: She's torturing me in a way that only a girl can. I mean, no offense or anything...
Me: It's okay. What do you mean?
Boy: Only a girl could be this annoying.

Hehe..she's torturing me in a way on a girl can...

Nursing home and a model society

I forgot to mention another funny thing that happened at the nursing home last week. We walked into the lobby, and I instructed the kids to wait by this giant flower pot. They gathered around the flower pot as I spoke to the lady who organized this with me. She was explaining a few details and asked us to wait a few minutes for some more residents to find their way to the room where we were doing out program. I looked over at too girls looking in these mirrors by the flower pot. They saw that they had my attention and came over to tell me this:

Girl 1: Ms. F, we think this is a really nice nursing home. They even put in these special mirrors over there that make whoever looks in them look younger than they are.
Me: Oh really, why do you think they'd do that?
Girl 2: So, the people here won't feel badly when they see how horrible they actually look.
Girl 1: Come over and look in the mirror, you'll look like a teenager.

Why do they think these mirrors exists? I love their imaginations sometimes...

In other news, we've entered into our study of the colonies. We were discussing the Puritans and how they wanted to set up a model society. I gave them a creative writing assignment about what they think would make up a model society. Most of the answers were really well thought out. Then there was this one:

"In my society, there would be no fast food. We all know fast food is what's making people fat. There would also be no obese people because everyone would have a mandatory exercise hour in the middle of the day. If you feel like you can't do the exercise hour, well, too bad. I guess you better start running now."

Wow! Creative...Does this trouble anyone else though? Of all the aspects of a society, this is what would make it admirable to him...hmm

Last 4 days

I'm sorry for being MIA, blog readers, I had my sister in from out of town. I wanted to spend time with her in the evenings. Anyway, funny and inspiring things have been happening. Here are some of them:

1. Someone audibly passed gas in class yesterday. At the time, I wasn't sure who it was, but I was proud of my class because only a few of them needed to burst out laughing. Once they got over it and the class was working, the boy came over to me and said: "Ms. F, I just wanted to say: excuse me." So cute! And, now I totally know it was him :)!

2. On a more mature note, my class went to a nursing home on a visit together. I have to say that when this time of year rolls around, I get so excited to go to the nursing home. It is so funny to watch my students interact with elderly. My favorite moment was these two elderly residents sitting together on a couch. Two of my students went over to them, and they had this interaction:

Student 1: So, how do you guys know each other?
Elderly man, Stan: this is my new girlfriend, Ida
Student 2: Oh, I thought you were married
Elderly Woman: I'm not married to him!
Student 2: Sorry, I was just guessing. How do you know each other?
Elderly man: I'm 88, and I picked her up at Thursday night Bingo. Ida is 91, you know.

They talk for awhile. When they walked away, they had this interaction.

student 1: I think Stan was lying about Ida.
student 2: yeah, she didn't seem that into him.
student 1: No, I mean that he picked her up at bingo. He's not that strong at 88 to pick her up. He had to use a walker to get to the couch.
student 2: yeah, that was totally a lie!

hehe! They can be so literal sometimes.

More Science

We're back from vacation, so it's spring in fifth grade. I doubt it will happen in my class this year, because of the nature of the kids in the room, but other classes have couples. One even broke up right in front of me in the lunch room. All I can say is..."these are the days of our lives...."

In other news, my students are learning about the systems of the body. The kids do a simulation of medical school. We have them wear "lab coats," and many of them get very into their role. It is very important in upper elementary school grades to expose children to new vocabulary words. We explained how our these activities are "simulating" medical school. Thus, we can call these activities a simulation. They get the meaning, but some have a recall of or confuse this word with another similar word. Some kids walk around calling it the "stimulation."

Here's what one girl wrote in her class journal about starting the simulation:

"I'm excited to start the simulation. I'm in neurology. My group has Joe (funny), and Ellie is fun to be with. Nerves seem really fun to learn about too. I hope I learn about how you are nervous. I think it is great that we get to pretend to be doctors without going to jail. My mom said people who pretend to be doctors and don't go to medical school go to jail."

A house and ten dollars

It's vacation now! I took advantage of the beautiful weather today and marked papers in Bryant Park. Before vacation, we talked about persuasive writing skills. They had a homework assignment to write a persuasive paragraph that tries to convince a member of their family to let then do something or having something. Many of the ideas were pretty standard in the world of 10 year-olds: wanting a cell phone, a later bedtime, or a sleepover. This wrote this paragraph for his parents:

"I would like to live in my own house. It would make the lives of my friends, you and me better. It would be better for me because I would get to live on my own and learn from that. If I get a house (and it doesn't have to be brand new), I will not be annoying to you or my sister at home anymore. If I get a house, I could have sleepovers more often, and you could pay for it. I will get a lot of new friends too because they will want to come to my house. Please get me a house."

All I have to say about this is that kids are getting way to expensive. I remember asking my parents for stuff, but I never went for my own house! I can't even afford a house of my own, and I have a job. Wait...he's not worrying about the cost. After all, he wrote "you could pay for it." So funny!

Here's another good one. This boy intended this paragraph for his older brother:

"I really need ten dollars, Jon. I am approaching you in a brotherly way because I look up to you. You are my role model, and you are awesome! I am lucky to have a brother like you. I am sure that you would want to help me have a happy life, and in order to have a happy life, I need ten bucks. If you give me ten dollars, I will not annoy you for two weeks, and I will do your laundry for one week. I will stay away from you when you have a friend over. I will do what you say. So please, hear me out. I just want ten dollars from you. "

All he needs for a happy life is ten dollars. He'll stay out of your hair for two weeks and do laundry. If you ask me, this is a pure bargain. I would so take this deal....:)