This is why...

There is nothing particularly funny about this post today. I have some funny stories that I haven't updated on the blog due to being busy. Today was the most amazingly wonderful day for me as a teacher. My students organized an end of the year surprise party for me with the help of some other teachers. Never before have I felt such positivity and appreciation for the work that I do. Parents came, some brought gifts, children wrote thoughtful cards and there was delicious snacks. I could never have imagined this! There are some days that I fee really spent and ask myself why I'm doing this. It was a day like today that reminded just why.

More funny stories on the way later...

Group work with Clay

At my school, the grade does the cooperative group project involving the systems of the body. The children make models and posters to explain a system of the human body. Two girls in my class were working together. One girl is very creative, and she thinking outside the box. She is a very good creative writer and doesn't directly state very much. The other girl organized, likes to get things done, and can frankly, be a little bossy. I listened to them trying to navigate how they were going to include everything in their poster. The creative girl, Michelle, got so made at the organized girl, Allison, that I started to visually see it in her face. I wanted to see how they were going to handle it. Allison got more and more pushy and authoritative about not doing Michelle's idea. Michelle became very silent and just started squeezing the modeling clay so it would gush through her fingers. Allison said something like, "now we have a plan and we will finish this project soon." Michelle, with tears in her eyes and holding up a ball of clay, said, "Allison, see this ball of clay. If this were your head, I would just squeeze your brains out until you'd stop talking." As the words came out of her mouth, she ripped the ball in two right in front of Allison's face. So I stepped in:

Me: Allison, do you understand what Michelle is trying to say to you?
Allison: ( looking confused) Not really
Me: She sounds angry. Michelle, are you angry at Allison?
Michelle: (now crying) yes, she doesn't like any of my ideas.
Allison: It's not that I don't like any of your ideas. It's that were not doing them.
Me: (to Allison) Why can't you include some of her ideas?
Allison: I guess we can
Me: The point of this project is to work together to fulfill your task. I want you to try to include parts of both of your ideas...understood?

I love the way Michelle ripped the ball of clay in Allison's face. Even funnier to me, Allison totally didn't get that Michelle was even mad. Kids learn so much more in school than just the academic subjects...at least I hope!

Dolls

Fifth grade is a funny age because some girls are ready for make-up and dating and other are still playing with dolls. The ones who still do play with dolls start to hide it because it clearly is not the "cool" thing to do. Anyway, this girl in my class did a fabulous presentation. I was really wow-ed by her. Afterward, we were talking as I was giving her her grade and we had this interaction:

Me: Wow! You really did a fabulous job! You must have really worked hard on this.
Girl: Yeah, I did!
Me: What did you do to prepare?
Girl: Well, I set up my dolls in my room just like our classroom. Then, I pretended I was you and practiced my presentation.
Me: Sounds like a great idea. Well, it certainly paid off! I want to share with the class how your practice really paid off.
Girl: umm, well, that's okay but can you leave the part out about the dolls?
Me: Sure, we can just keep that between us..
Girl: Thanks! What a relief!

Idioms and a brothers talk

It is so funny to me that kids take expressions very literally (especially special ed kids). My class is doing an idiom project where they have to use fifteen idiom in sentences and make this book about it. There sentences have to show me they get the meaning of the word. They have 'check points' along the way, so I know that they are at least doing some work and on the right track. Procrastinators have a hard time in my class because I make them break it down. Anyway, here are some sentences that didn't quite hit the mark and I find funny:

For: "put my foot in my mouth" (they could change the pronouns if needed)

1) My sister is so loud that I told her to put her foot in her mouth so I could go to sleep.

2) Kate is so good at gymnastics that she can get her foot in her mouth.

For: "jump the gun" (this kid argued that it is drop the gun)

1) My dad dropped the gun so no one would get shot.

There was a lot of explaining to do on that one.

For: "eats like a bird"

1) She eats like a bird because she likes seeds.

On a completely unrelated note, the grade had their puberty talk with the nurse and PE staff earlier this week. I decided I LOVE this day. It is just too funny. Their reactions are priceless to me! Anyway, I thought this year was relatively mellow until a parent came in to see me the next morning as I was setting up. We had this interaction:

Mom: Good morning, Ms. F, can I come in? I have to share my son's reaction to the puberty talk to you because I don't think he gets it.
Me: Sure, what happened?
Mom: Well, he came home with this little goody bag of stuff (deodorant, diagrams) and he was pumped to tell me about it. He took out the diagram. He was like, 'mom, did you know my voice is going to get lower?' and 'do you know I'm going to get hair in all the places dad does?' Naturally, his two younger brothers came over and Michael started sharing what he learned with them. When he started explaining what he knew to my younger boys, I realized he didn't quite get it.
Me: Oh?
Mom: Yeah, he told them that one day they will go to the bathroom and instead of pee sperm will come out. He said to his brothers, "isn't that so cool? no more pee"
Both the mom and I were laughing and she continues...
Mom: So, do you think my husband and I should do a review course with him? Is there any harm in him thinking this?
I explained to her how the program is really about body changes as opposed to sex so he may not get that piece of it yet, and it was up to her as to how/if she wanted to clarify this with him.
He missed the boat a bit.

the color of you...

Hi! It's been awhile. I have been not well these past days/a little over a week. Thank goodness I have a dream class because I am truly beat. I felt badly for them because I started having to leave work in the middle of the day. One day, I was in so much pain from this that I ended up pulling a random teacher from the hallway to watch my kids and I drove myself to the ER. I'm thankful I did, but I felt badly for my students. Anyway, I felt like I needed to provide an explanation for them about midweek. I sat the kids down on our class rug, and I started to explain that I have something going on. I didn't want them to worry, but I just wanted them to know what it was so they wouldn't let their imaginations get the better of them. One of my boys, with some social skill issues, decides to join the conversation my contributing this:

"Oh wow! Ms. F, you're looking horrible lately, so I'm not surprised. My mom won't be either because when she dropped me off this morning she said you were looking skinny and tired. Besides, the color of you ( he was trying to say I looked pale) is not how it usually is. I've seen you look bad, but ...."

I stopped him by saying, "OOOOOOkay, thanks for sharing your opinion. Does anyone have a question, not a comment, but a question about what I just shared with you?"

Fragment

It's official. I love my class this year. I know I said this last year, but this year it is also true. There is this one girl who seems to make me laugh often (I know; usually it's the boys that make me laugh). Anyway, one of my pet peeves is that the kids come into fifth grade thinking that dependent clauses are sentences just because it has a capital letter and a period at the end. I quickly burst that bubble and drown them in practicing the difference between dependent and independent clauses. They can now say in their sleep that a dependent clause is considered a fragment (I'm so proud!).
During reading time today, we were focusing on character traits. I used this story about a girl who is a copy cat type character. The discussion went to the idea that this character is not an independent person. This little girl said, "Yeah, I agree. She's just a fragment."

I loved it!

Flag

For some unknown reason, the American flag that I've had in my classroom disappeared when I was unpacking boxes. So, my children had been pledging to a beautiful imaginary flag since Sept. 7th. We finally got word that the school found their 1 extra flag in the school basement (I'd be so scared to go down there). Anyway, when it was brought up to my room, it was on a pole that was so long that I couldn't put it in the flag pole holder because the ceiling got in the way. Now we know why this flag became the extra one that lived in the based and no one else wanted! Luckily, it was on a wooden pole, and when my awesome maintenance guys (seriously they are so good to me) got a chance they were going to trim the pole so we could hang our flag. So I leaned the flag, and it's super long pole against the wall, and I knew they'd trim it when they got a chance. One of the boys in the class came up to me and said: "Hey, Ms. F, I feel bad that you have to wait so long for our flag to get cut. You know my dad has a chain saw in our garage. He's away on a business trip, but I'd use it for you." Umm...no, you won't. That thought gave me at least two nightmares.

A Great Life

We are still setting up our classrooms, getting organized and having a whole bunch of meetings to get ready for the start of school. Today a colleague of mind brought her son in to school. He was bored out of his mind, so I offered for him to help me with some simple set-up tasks. When I offered the job to him, he said "Ms. F, you chose the right person because I'm a great helper." While he was helping in the room, he decided to share this thought about me with me:

Boy: Hey, Ms. F, you must have a great life.
Me: I think it's pretty good; what makes you say that?
Boy: Well, my mom says people who are organized can get there work done faster and then move on to more fun things. I'm not organized so I have less fun because I'm always looking for things. You're really organized, so you must have a lot of fun. That means you have a great life!
Me: You are right on!

I just found this so cute!

Girls and an Imaginary Girlfriend

I am so incredibly proud of my class today. They had there Moving Up! Ceremony, and I feel this sense of accomplishment for them and myself. I can only imagine what the parents are feelings. Anyway, two things made me laugh out loud today:

1) It is tradition after the ceremony for the kids to change in designated rooms (separating boys and girls, of course) and for the class to go to a pool party. My boys were waiting out in the hallway, and I noticed they looked angry. When I asked them what's going on, they responded "Miss F, why does it take so long for the girls to change? What on earth are they doing in there? It is hot, and we want to go in the pool. Can we leave without them?" Umm...of course not! I told them that the girls had more things to do to get ready and that they should get used it.

2) This is the one day of the year that I turn a blind eye to seeing electronic on the bus to the pool party. When the boys got off the bus, they were all crowding around an ipod (the one that looks like an iphone) and laughing. Since 10 year old boys can't seem to be discrete, I went over to see what the fuss was about. I totally expected to see an inappropriate picture of some kind. I asked the owner of the ipod to talk to me on the side. It turned out that he made himself "an imaginary" cartoon girlfriend from a computer program. She looked like a south park like character. After I looked at the picture, the boy and I had this interaction:
Me: So, who is this?
Boy (huge smile): My imaginary girlfriend....I made her.
Me: Oh, that's interesting
Boy: Yeah, she's great. Do you like her?
Me: Well, I guess. Does she have a name?
Boy: Umm...hmm (has an expression of deep thought)...well, I've just always called her Girlfriend. Am I in trouble?
Me: No, honey, I was just wondering what all the fuss was about.
Boy: Well, the other boys in our class were laughing, but I think they're just jealous.

Wow! I know now why I write more about boys. They are so ridiculously funny.

On another note, I think parents should stop sending their geriatric parents as "chaperones" for school functions. When you can't see or hear, you are not that much of a help.

Puberty and "Poor Old Gal"

Today was one of the days at school that we, as teachers, dread. We only dread this day because the kids react in a way that is totally wound up. You see, today was puberty day in the fifth grade. That's right, they get the talk. No, not the sex talk, but your bodies may be changing talk. There was one boy in my class, who does have some psychological issues, that took an approach that I've never seen before. He came up to me a few hours before the talk, and we had this interaction:

Boy: Ms. F, I want to talk to you about puberty.
Me: Do you have a question about the talk today, or do you want to talk about puberty? Talking about puberty today will happen with the nurse.
Boy: It's about the talk. I meant to ask my parents to write a note. I decided I don't want to have puberty, so I don't need to go to the talk.
Me: You don't feel comfortable going to the talk?
Boy: No, I don't care so much about the talk. I just don't want to do puberty. I'm not going to..
Me: Sweetheart, everyone goes through puberty. You'll learn today that it happens naturally with your body.
Boy: Not mine! I don't want to.
Me: (taking a deep breath) You know what, why don't you go to the talk in case you and your body change your mind. At least you'll know what it's all about.
Boy: No, I'm not going to change my mind. (pause) Wait, is this the talk where we are separated from girls?
Me: Yup, and...
Boy: (cutting me off with a smile) No girls! I hate girls! Okay, I'm definitely going.

Here's some other funny puberty quotes:

"Does deodorant only go underneath your arms? Like just the arm pits or can you put it on other parts of your body for like extra protection?"

"I'm only going to wear "Old Spice" like my dad."

"Why does the girls deodorant say secret on it? What's the secret? Like is it not real deordorant?"


This is another interaction that happened with the same child as before actually. He had a melt down over a math test. It took me and a colleague to get this boy out from under a desk crying. One of my favorite things he said was, "I'm never going to be able to multiply fractions. I'm going to be an old grandpa that can't multiply fractions. Ms. F, you might as well call my mom and tell her I failed." One the strategies we tried was explaining to him that other people find different things difficult. We used the example of how my colleague isn't that great with computers, but she keeps trying. Today he walked in and said this to me: "Ms. F, I meant to ask you. How's Mrs. T doing with her (in a whispering voice) computer problems? I feel bad for her. Poor old gal! I just don't want to embarrass her by asking her to her face." So funny!

Imaginary Animals

If I could have quit teaching this week I would have, and it was all because of a raging, lunatic parent that claims I don't see her child's brilliance....believe me, I'm really trying to see it.... Anyway, thank goodness it's vacation.

We did this project for our animal adaptation unit, and they were all laid out on the back table in my classroom. The kids had to come up with an animal that could survive in one of two climate choices. They did a great job. They wrote their papers describing their animal and then they got to build their animals in class. The easiest way to do this is to really combine some animals that you already know (ie- a cross between a bird and a butterfly). Get it?

One girl was really proud of her imaginary animal and got her dad to come in a view the animal before school started. She brought him into the classroom and had this interaction:

Dad: oh, wow! I love it! It's a cross between a gopher and a zebra.
Girl: Daddy! How could you say that? (saddened look)
Dad: (puzzled and trying to recover) hmm, maybe I need to look at it more closely.
Girl: It's because you're so tall. Here...(she hands him the animal to get a closer look)
Dad picks up the animal
Dad: Oh, I see it now...sweetheart, I'm so proud of you! (hands it back to her)
Girl: You still don't know what it is, right? (teary now)
Dad: Honey, don't get upset...I just don't know a lot about animals. I bet when you bring it home, Mommy will know exactly what it is..
Girl: Yeah, she will...it's part horse, part caterpillar and part beaver...see?
Dad: Oh...okay...

Kids art projects are funny...I always like to say something like, "That looks beautiful! What is it?" You can get into hot water otherwise

Distraught

This boy I tutor came in to our session a little annoyed. When I asked him what was wrong he explained that he has to redo part of an assignment, and he thought it was ridiculous. It was a vocabulary assignment. He had to write sentences that showed the meanings for his vocabulary words. For the word, distraught, he wrote: "The man stood in from of subway and McDonalds distraught." I asked him if he knew distraught meant and he told me. So we continued with this conversation:

Me: okay, I'm not sure I see how your sentence shows the meaning of distraught
Boy: well, the man can't decide if he should get food from McDonalds or Subway, and that's why he's standing there.
Me: I see how he might be confused but he's not confused because he's upset. He's just undecided.
Boy: I disagree, speak for yourself. You have one meal. Do you enjoy the fries and all beef patty or the delicious turkey sub and chips? When you are hungry, some people might feel upset and confused.
Me: I see what you're saying. Maybe your teacher needs a more common situation that people get distraught in...can you think of anything?
Boy: ice cream or cake?
Me: Let's move away from deciding about food.
Boy: Like losing keys?

This cracked me up!

Perpetually winking

Work has been very busy lately for a few reasons...1) it's report card season (teachers spend hours writing narratives and filling out chart that don't really give a good picture of the child) 2) it is conference season (not only do I do more paper work for that, but parents constantly want to change their time) 3) I am giving a workshop on professional development day and needed to prepare for that 4) oh yeah..lessons & grading 5) I have to coordinate this chesed project for my class to go to an old age home (seriously?). I promised myself that I wouldn't use this blog for venting, but I guess the occasional venting will be okay. All in all, it is so nice when I get to do my job and actually teach (instead of all this other garbage).

Anyway, of course there were some things that made me laugh this week..for instance:

A little boy in my class had his hair grown over his eyes for a long time. He told me that he was finally "getting a hair cut" yesterday. I was excited to actually see this kids face for once. What happened with his hair is absolutely ridiculous...he got a haircut that only shows one of his eyes! So, I kid you not, it's like he is perpetually winking. Unbelievable!

Trying to Use Words

As many of my readers know, some of the kids in my class have moderate special needs. I have this really bright boy who has some trouble understanding social conventions. He needs very structured and explicit teaching about certain behaviors that come naturally, or at least very quickly, to most students. We are still working on appropriate ways to ask to go to the bathroom. At the beginning on the year, he was walking up to me and grabbing his crotch. I had to stop that immediately for obvious reasons. For the beginning of the year, we developed a hand signal for him to signal to me that he needs to go to the bathroom (he holds up his index finger). This has been working out beautifully. Now, we are trying to get him to use his words. We talked about and practiced (before the snow days) ways he can tell me he needs to go to the bathroom:
"I need to go to the bathroom." "May I go to the bathroom?" etc...
Today, he came up to me and did his hand signal. I reminded him that we were going to try to use his words instead. "Oh yeah," he said, "I need to go number two."
We're making progress slowly!

Mating and news travels fast

We are done with genetics in science and are now talking about animal adaptations. Today we were talking about how some animals have coloring for a particular purpose like camouflage. The whole point of this unit is to notice the purpose of certain attributes on organisms. Anyway, we were talking about how some animals have coloring that attracts a mate. One boy veers slightly off topic and shares a comment that sparks a little discussion. Here goes:

Boy raises hand and I call on him-

Boy: "I am very interested in mating. I think it's alright that they can attract their mate with their coloring, but I prefer the way crickets do it. The man use their feet or wings to make a noise. Then the woman cricket falls under the trance of his noise and can't resist him."
Me: You are right about them making a noise, but I'm not sure about the trance part.
Another boy: "Whales do it that way too, Ms. F"

I'm still waiting for some boy to make a noise and put me under a trance...hehe

I got the best present today! I got to go to a meeting at the middle school (the meeting wasn't the present..believe me). Seeing my former students was! I loved seeing how much they've grown and really just how well they're doing. There was one little girl that I was really hoping to see. I was so proud of her growth in my class, and I can't wait to see all that she's going to do. Just as I was about to leave, a seventh grade student came up to me and was like, "You can't leave." When I asked him why, he said "Michelle (a former student of mine) really wants to see me and would you please wait for her." She, however, was no where in sight. I asked him where she was, and she mentioned a different part of the campus. I was confused, because I really didn't know how she knew I was there (this was kind of a last minute meeting). So, I asked him. He said, "Ms. F, having you here is kind of news, so I texted it to my friends. We're allowed to use our phones after dismissal. News travels fast around here."

So cute!

Special Toys

I was actually excited to see my little dudes and dudettes this morning. Over vacation I drastically cut my hair, and it was interesting to see who noticed. Rather, it was interesting to see how long it took some kids to notice :). It was a true test of who was observant.

Anyway, before break they wrote reports on a "Special Toy." It is supposed to be inspired from a book I read aloud to them. They liked the book (and the voices I do with it) until they realized there was a writing assignment they had to do. The focus of the assignment was to have them practice descriptive writing. It is interesting to me how young they sound in these writing pieces (especially the ones who try to seem tough at school). Here are some highlights:

A boy describing his bear: "It has limo black eyes and a hot chocolate brown nose." How does one go from limo black to hot chocolate?

Another boy wrote, "The reason I still have him is because I would be heartbroken to never saw my little buddy again."

Or, "there's something about his smile that just melts my heart."

I don't know what to make of this one: "Sometimes Lamby would get punched because he was my shield in the war against my family." With your brothers and sisters? I hope...

"My bear doesn't have a nose anymore because I ate it when I was young (at least that's what my parents told me)." Yum?

"Softy is a toy for snuggling only and not playing around. Most people don't understand that about him. He's not that kind of guy." I guess some toys are not for playing.

"Eilat is special because if you give her a hug when your sad, she won't ruin the moment by making some annoying squeaking sound." Yeah, you don't want to ruin those sad moments.

It was our first day back after vacation. I made the decision that I have to put an end to Butt Boy's exposure. I'm going to need to find a way to gently talk about it with him soon. It is just too much!

Snow

So, it's a snow day! My kids had declared it a snow day long before the school announced it. I love how superstitious some kids get with it. Some come in and decide, "Ms. F, I will not see you tomorrow. Don't miss me too much." Other kids get angry at those overly confident kids in fear that they will "jinx" the whole weather pattern. They say things like, "nice job, now that you keep saying that, we're all going to be stuck here tomorrow." Then, they spend part of the day discussing how to reverse the "jinx." Jinxed or not, I'm happy to get the chance to catch up on laundry and sleep late :).

A little girl I tutor told me that she was going to be very busy skiing today. Her family has a house on some very flat land. Nevertheless, when I got to her house yesterday, she was preparing to go "skiing" at her house. Today I can totally picture her making circles around her house on her skis. How cute!

Naked People

I forgot to post this one, and it made me laugh when I was randomly retelling the story yesterday. Here goes:

I tell the kids that if they are having trouble and want extra help to try to get to school a little early. This way, they can come right to the classroom and I can help them before other kids get there. This little boy told me that he was going to come in early the next day, because he was still confused about math. So he walks in and tells me this:

Boy: Ms. F, I would have gotten here sooner but now my brother and I are punished.
Me: That's okay, sit down and take out what you want help with
Boy: I'm still really annoyed about being punished first thing this morning
Me: What happened?
Boy: It's really my brother's fault anyway. You see, I couldn't sleep last night and I saw he was up so I went into his room even though I was supposed to be in my bed.
Me: Is that why you were punished?
Boy: No, my brother showed me that there were naked people on the internet. I didn't even know there were naked people on the internet. Did you know there were naked people on the internet, Ms. F?
Me: Nope (I prefer to play dumb in these situations. Every teacher has their own strategy.)
Boy: My parents heard us, came in the room, and now they're really mad, but I think they are more mad at my brother.

I eventually got him focused on his work, but haha. Oh boys!

Fertilization

We are further into our science unit on genetics. I am aware of how close many of these conversations get to sex, but I have to say this class really handles the conversations quite well. They had a review sheet to do covering many of the important ideas in the unit so far. A key concept of the unit is fertilization (when an offspring gets half of their genetic information from their father and the other half from their mother). On their review sheet, they had to define fertilization, and many of them did quite well. Here are some funny responses:

"when a sperm and an egg UNITE!" (yes, written in caps)

"the reproductive organs join and connect to produce an offspring" (haha- we never discussed the reproductive organs)

"when the sperm meets the egg and they decide to have a baby" (haha- we never talked about cells having a discussion either)

Clapping

This isn't as funny as it is just simply mind-boggling to me. Today, we sat through a middle school production of Annie Jr (which is like the real show of Annie just shortened). Anyway, throughout the show I noticed my students didn't clap. Furthermore, they didn't clap at the end of the show. You're probably thinking...there must have been some students who clapped. I kid you not! Not one student clapped.

I was so shocked that I had to bring this up in class when we got back. I said, "Raise your hand if you've ever been to a show before." They ALL raised their hands. Raise your hand if you can describe "good audience behavior." A girl raised her hand and said sit quietly, don't kick the chair in front of you, share the arm rest. I proceeded to talk to them about clapping. I actually had to teach them about showing respect at a show. One boy raised his hand and asked, "what if you didn't like the show? do you still have to clap?"

It is just funny to me that this is even something I have to teach in 5th grade. Does anyone else think this is weird?