This is why...

There is nothing particularly funny about this post today. I have some funny stories that I haven't updated on the blog due to being busy. Today was the most amazingly wonderful day for me as a teacher. My students organized an end of the year surprise party for me with the help of some other teachers. Never before have I felt such positivity and appreciation for the work that I do. Parents came, some brought gifts, children wrote thoughtful cards and there was delicious snacks. I could never have imagined this! There are some days that I fee really spent and ask myself why I'm doing this. It was a day like today that reminded just why.

More funny stories on the way later...

Group work with Clay

At my school, the grade does the cooperative group project involving the systems of the body. The children make models and posters to explain a system of the human body. Two girls in my class were working together. One girl is very creative, and she thinking outside the box. She is a very good creative writer and doesn't directly state very much. The other girl organized, likes to get things done, and can frankly, be a little bossy. I listened to them trying to navigate how they were going to include everything in their poster. The creative girl, Michelle, got so made at the organized girl, Allison, that I started to visually see it in her face. I wanted to see how they were going to handle it. Allison got more and more pushy and authoritative about not doing Michelle's idea. Michelle became very silent and just started squeezing the modeling clay so it would gush through her fingers. Allison said something like, "now we have a plan and we will finish this project soon." Michelle, with tears in her eyes and holding up a ball of clay, said, "Allison, see this ball of clay. If this were your head, I would just squeeze your brains out until you'd stop talking." As the words came out of her mouth, she ripped the ball in two right in front of Allison's face. So I stepped in:

Me: Allison, do you understand what Michelle is trying to say to you?
Allison: ( looking confused) Not really
Me: She sounds angry. Michelle, are you angry at Allison?
Michelle: (now crying) yes, she doesn't like any of my ideas.
Allison: It's not that I don't like any of your ideas. It's that were not doing them.
Me: (to Allison) Why can't you include some of her ideas?
Allison: I guess we can
Me: The point of this project is to work together to fulfill your task. I want you to try to include parts of both of your ideas...understood?

I love the way Michelle ripped the ball of clay in Allison's face. Even funnier to me, Allison totally didn't get that Michelle was even mad. Kids learn so much more in school than just the academic subjects...at least I hope!

Dolls

Fifth grade is a funny age because some girls are ready for make-up and dating and other are still playing with dolls. The ones who still do play with dolls start to hide it because it clearly is not the "cool" thing to do. Anyway, this girl in my class did a fabulous presentation. I was really wow-ed by her. Afterward, we were talking as I was giving her her grade and we had this interaction:

Me: Wow! You really did a fabulous job! You must have really worked hard on this.
Girl: Yeah, I did!
Me: What did you do to prepare?
Girl: Well, I set up my dolls in my room just like our classroom. Then, I pretended I was you and practiced my presentation.
Me: Sounds like a great idea. Well, it certainly paid off! I want to share with the class how your practice really paid off.
Girl: umm, well, that's okay but can you leave the part out about the dolls?
Me: Sure, we can just keep that between us..
Girl: Thanks! What a relief!

Ghosts

This has been an intensely busy two weeks, and I fear the next few weeks will be just the same. We took two big trips with the grade. One trip was to Philadelphia and the other trip was an overnight to Washington, DC. I confess I was nervous about the overnight because, those who know me know, my sleep is very important to me. Anyway, one thing that I do like about these longer trips is that you do see different sides to the kids when they are so far removed from the classroom setting. Kids, who I doubted would be able to handle the trip, rose to the occasion beautifully.

Just as I was settling comfortably into bed my hotel phone rang.

Desk operator:“Ms. F, one of the room with students is requesting to speak with you.”

Me: Sure, put them through.

Me: Hello, this is Ms. F.

Boy 1: Ms. F, it’s Peter. We’re really scared in this room.

Me: Really, why?

Peter: Well, this place is haunted.

Me: what makes you think that?

Peter: Our lights were flickering, the clock in our room is wrong and we hear other noises.

Me: Sweetheart, we are very safe here.

Peter: Ms. F, do you believe in ghosts?

Me: No

Peter: DON’T SAY THAT! Then, they will come for you. Can you just come here?

Me: Okay, I’m coming

I got to the room only to find all four boys huddled in one bed. I eventually calmed them down enough so that they’d all get in bed. Then I left and went to bed. I heard they kept another chaperone up for another 2 hours. I think the sleeping set up for these kids was a little beyond them.

Overall thought, it was a great trip~!

Snack

On Mondays, I tutor this little girl that I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve been working with her for three years now. I’ve really come to know her parents over the years between her special needs, lots of meetings at her school and even some discipline and behavioral issues. We’ve been through a lot with this girl, Nina, and we’ve built a level of trust and teamwork that’s so helpful. I showed up to this girl’s house, and remarkably, I showed up before her bus came. When her mom came to the door, she was having trouble breathing and shocked me with, “I’m so sorry to do this to you, but I need you to drive me to the hospital. I have terrible asthma, and I know this is bad. My husband will meet us there as soon as he can.” So, as I think anyone would, I agreed to drive her and we started walking towards the car.

Sure enough, Nina’s bus came and she bolted off the bus as if she was trapped in there for years. She saw me and immediately launched into, “Lisa! I have so much homework, and it’s hard.” I told her that we’d work on it, but that her mom wasn’t feeling well and we needed to get in my car immediately and drive to the hospital.

This is the part that totally knocked me off my feet. Nina proceeded to only focus on herself in the midst of an emergency with her mom. She started with, “Can I get a snack first?” I told her no, but we’d get one at the hospital. I rushed her to the car, reminded her to buckle up and we were off. Throughout the whole car ride (about 10 minutes), Nina could not stop talking about her snack, her poor mom was wheezing and coughing, and I was putting all my effort into getting to the hospital quickly and safely. Behind me I hear:

Nina: Lisa, what kind of snacks do hospitals have?

Me: They have a bunch of things, and you’ll choose when you get there (aka: don’t know be quiet)

Nina: Lisa, do they have lemonade? I think I want lemonade.

Me: I’m not sure, but we’ll go look. We just have to get there (aka: I don’t know, stop asking me questions)

Nina: Lisa….

Me: Yes

Nina: ummm, ummm actually nevermind

(thank gd!)

30 seconds later

Nina: Lisa, I remember now. Am I allowed to have chips?....Liiisssaaa?, Liiiiisssa?

Me: (trying to get driving directions from the wheezing mom; I finally said in a stern voice) Nina, I need you to listen very carefully to me. My main job right now is getting Mommy to the hospital. I promise I’ll get you a snack, but I need quiet so I can hear how to get where we need go. Do you understand?

Nina: Yeah

We get to the hospital (which isn’t close by, by the way), and I pull into the circle. Mom starts walking in, and I go park the car with Nina. As we are walking into the hospital, I said, “Nin, do you understand why I needed quiet?

Nina: (with a smile) yeah, I get it now.

Me: Do you want to get a snack now?

Nina: Nah, I’m not hungry anymore

Seriously?!

My lines

So today a student finally caught me at one of my lines. I don’t know exactly how I started saying this in class, but whenever I’m going easy on the kids about something I find myself saying, “See, I’m not as mean as I look…” Most often the kids laugh, we have a little 5^th grade style banter about it, and we move on. Today, there were two questions on a math test that I was giving them, but I realized (only AFTER they were taking it that it may not be a fair question). So, I announced that the kids can “X” out those 2 questions, and we’d talk about them afterward. Just to remind them that I was doing something nice for them ;), I finished off my announcement with: “See, I’m not as mean as I look…” Without skipping a beat and with a playful tone to his voice, a little boy said, “we’ll thank gd for that! Who knows where you’d be?” I have to say I loved every second of that. This boy came into my class so timid and shy. Now, he’s joking around with me! The growth of children over the course of the year never stops amazing me.

Idioms and a brothers talk

It is so funny to me that kids take expressions very literally (especially special ed kids). My class is doing an idiom project where they have to use fifteen idiom in sentences and make this book about it. There sentences have to show me they get the meaning of the word. They have 'check points' along the way, so I know that they are at least doing some work and on the right track. Procrastinators have a hard time in my class because I make them break it down. Anyway, here are some sentences that didn't quite hit the mark and I find funny:

For: "put my foot in my mouth" (they could change the pronouns if needed)

1) My sister is so loud that I told her to put her foot in her mouth so I could go to sleep.

2) Kate is so good at gymnastics that she can get her foot in her mouth.

For: "jump the gun" (this kid argued that it is drop the gun)

1) My dad dropped the gun so no one would get shot.

There was a lot of explaining to do on that one.

For: "eats like a bird"

1) She eats like a bird because she likes seeds.

On a completely unrelated note, the grade had their puberty talk with the nurse and PE staff earlier this week. I decided I LOVE this day. It is just too funny. Their reactions are priceless to me! Anyway, I thought this year was relatively mellow until a parent came in to see me the next morning as I was setting up. We had this interaction:

Mom: Good morning, Ms. F, can I come in? I have to share my son's reaction to the puberty talk to you because I don't think he gets it.
Me: Sure, what happened?
Mom: Well, he came home with this little goody bag of stuff (deodorant, diagrams) and he was pumped to tell me about it. He took out the diagram. He was like, 'mom, did you know my voice is going to get lower?' and 'do you know I'm going to get hair in all the places dad does?' Naturally, his two younger brothers came over and Michael started sharing what he learned with them. When he started explaining what he knew to my younger boys, I realized he didn't quite get it.
Me: Oh?
Mom: Yeah, he told them that one day they will go to the bathroom and instead of pee sperm will come out. He said to his brothers, "isn't that so cool? no more pee"
Both the mom and I were laughing and she continues...
Mom: So, do you think my husband and I should do a review course with him? Is there any harm in him thinking this?
I explained to her how the program is really about body changes as opposed to sex so he may not get that piece of it yet, and it was up to her as to how/if she wanted to clarify this with him.
He missed the boat a bit.

Poetry Response

Part of fifth grade is reading language is more figurative and descriptive. In class, we read this poem that I have been doing for years now. The children have a three paragraph response that they are required to write. Never before did I get a reaction like this:

"I hated this poem. It wouldn't get to the point. For example, she said "I saw the dawn creep across the sky." So what? Why do I care about the dawn going across the sky? This poem does not make any sense. How could she see "the ocean put on a dress."Why is this so beautiful anyway? She did not even explain the writing. I don't understand why she has to be so poetic. I understand why all of this attracts her even though the writing is bad. I see everything she see, but I don't act like it's amazing like she is. I don't know why so many people love this poem."

I love how he says that he doesn't understand why she has to be so poetic. After all, it is a poem.

There's a lot of love in the room!

This blog post is less about a particularly funny event and more about a surprising, ongoing trend in my class for this point in the year. There is quite a bit of talk about if you "like like" someone or just "like" them. For the spring of fifth grade in general, it is not so unusual. The unusual part for me is that there is one boy at the heart of all this. All of the girls like the same boy, and you should see how this little guy can handle all of these girls. Some older men would be watching him in awe...

Anyway, he's recently settled into a "relationship" with one girl in the class. To which he asked, "Ms. F, why don't you partner me with Sarah anymore?" The fact that he asked me that question let's me know how smart he really thinks I am.

However, even with the latest development, he still makes the rounds quite well by spending more time flirting than focusing on anything I'm saying. Some parents have even called asking for me to move their child away from this boy because they think it is disrupting their daughter's concentration. Frankly, his interest in girls and their interest in him is disrupting HIS concentration. I even tried to talk to him about what I've started calling "his silliness." That was my way of nicely saying he lost his focus. I also didn't want to touch on the whole "love" issue because I recognize he most likely didn't want to talk about it with me, his teacher. Little did I know he had a different idea. We had this interestion:

Me: Eric, I need to talk to you.
Eric: Yeah, Ms. F
Me: I need you to stay more focused during our lessons. You are getting too silly, and it is distracting.
Eric: I know! I know! (puts his head in his hands)
Me: Do you have any idea what's going on?
Eric: I don't need an idea. I know (head still in his hands)
Me: What do you know?
Eric: (looking at me) I like girls! I want to talk to them all the time. I think about them a lot too.
Me: I understand, and it is totally normal. You need to be able to feel those feelings and also do your school work...understand?
Eric: yeah

I thought this was going to calm the situation somewhat, and it did for awhile. I got a phone call from his mother that Eric thinks that he can do homework on skype with his "girlfriend." The boy is also telling his mother that I'm saying it is part of his assignment. I assured the mother that I would be happy to clarify that with him at school :). So we continued our talk with this interaction:

Me: Eric, are you doing your homework with Sarah on skype?
Eric: No
Me: Well, I heard from your mom that you told her that you were on skype doing homework with Sarah. You know that's not what I'm assigning.
Eric: Yeah, that's what she thinks because I told her that. Actually, we log on to say goodnight to each other.

Is it me or are these kids growing up too quickly? AND, what ever happened to just wishing your parents goodnight at 10? maybe a sibling and pet? AND, why don't these parents just take the computers away from the child if they don't want them to use it? AND,..well I could just go on and on....

Baby voice

I'm coming out and admitting my week back to work after a restful, blissful February vacation was stressful. Once again, none of this stress was at the fault of the children. What does that say about adults??

Anyway, there were plenty of interactions that made me smile, and here are a few of them:

I tutor this little boy, Aiden, who sometimes looking at him alone brings a smile to my face. He's a little chubby, fully of snot, has very curly hair that covers his eyes a bit, and as if that wasn't enough, he has an unfortunate breathing problem. He and I get along great, but he does have behavioral issues at school, and he loves, loves to be right. In fact, he and I have a behavioral chart for each time he doesn't argue with me while I'm helping him. He's currently working hard for a chance to play a video game on his dad's ipad for as this little guy says "a whole 20 minutes." His dad isn't worried that he'll have to had over his ipad any time soon. At this last visit, Aiden was only talking like a baby. We had this interaction:

boy (in obnoxious baby voice): I need help on 'dis one.
Me: Aiden, I'll help you, but you are too big to talk like that.
boy: sorwee! (still in baby voice) I'm 'da baby in 'da house.
Without responding, I walk over to the kitchen counter where I usually leave a note to his mom. Aiden stops me and STILL in his baby voice he says, "where you goin'?"
Me: I'm writing a note to your mom that you should go to bed very early tonight because you're a baby now.
boy: (NOW in regular voice) what?! why?! Don't do that. She'll do anything you say.
Me: We'll if you are a baby now, you should be going to bed soon. I don't, at say about, 7:30.
boy: Okay, okay...let's just do this math.

:) Worked like a charm!

I think your N should be a V

It is crazy, absolutely crazy, at school now. We are doing reading tests, the kids are putting on a play with loads of rehearsals and we are teaching at the same time. In some time that I was actually teaching, we were continuing our study of economics. Yes, in fifth grade, there is now an economic component to the curriculum. Overall, we are looking at how people make money in different parts of the Western Hemisphere. Today's topic was Canada. When talking about Canada we talked about how valuable their natural resources are. As we hit on one of them, Niagara Falls, a boy raised shared this:

Boy: Ms. F, I think you spelled the name of the waterfall wrong.
Me: (turned around, looked, didn't see a mistake) I don't think so. How do you think it should be spelled?
Boy: Well, the N should be a V. I think it is called Viagara Falls.
Me: (I can only imagine what my face was) Why do you think this?
Boy: Well, I saw this commercial with a man and a woman walking near some water. They look like they're in love or something, and the commercial said Viagra and not Niagara. Maybe the commercial was trying to get people to come visit.

Now, you might expect the whole class to be laughing. They weren't. What do these sheltered kids know from that? So, I was relieved that I didn't have to get into what Viagra was. With 90% of my energy dedicated to not laughing at that moment, I used the other 10% to saw.

Me: Hmm, that sounds interesting. I'm not sure I've seen that commercial. I do know for sure that the waterfall you need to know about is Niagara Falls for it's hydroelectric power.

Happy New Year! Long time no post...I know, I know I dropped the ball a bit. My class was displaced from our classroom due to the no heat. I'm happy to say we are back in our usual surroundings. It was a big stress on me to have things everywhere.

For a creative writing assignment, some kids have chosen to write a persuasive letter to their parents about wanting more pocket money. All of these letters are hysterical. Here's one that I thought we all could enjoy!