Girls and an Imaginary Girlfriend

I am so incredibly proud of my class today. They had there Moving Up! Ceremony, and I feel this sense of accomplishment for them and myself. I can only imagine what the parents are feelings. Anyway, two things made me laugh out loud today:

1) It is tradition after the ceremony for the kids to change in designated rooms (separating boys and girls, of course) and for the class to go to a pool party. My boys were waiting out in the hallway, and I noticed they looked angry. When I asked them what's going on, they responded "Miss F, why does it take so long for the girls to change? What on earth are they doing in there? It is hot, and we want to go in the pool. Can we leave without them?" Umm...of course not! I told them that the girls had more things to do to get ready and that they should get used it.

2) This is the one day of the year that I turn a blind eye to seeing electronic on the bus to the pool party. When the boys got off the bus, they were all crowding around an ipod (the one that looks like an iphone) and laughing. Since 10 year old boys can't seem to be discrete, I went over to see what the fuss was about. I totally expected to see an inappropriate picture of some kind. I asked the owner of the ipod to talk to me on the side. It turned out that he made himself "an imaginary" cartoon girlfriend from a computer program. She looked like a south park like character. After I looked at the picture, the boy and I had this interaction:
Me: So, who is this?
Boy (huge smile): My imaginary girlfriend....I made her.
Me: Oh, that's interesting
Boy: Yeah, she's great. Do you like her?
Me: Well, I guess. Does she have a name?
Boy: Umm...hmm (has an expression of deep thought)...well, I've just always called her Girlfriend. Am I in trouble?
Me: No, honey, I was just wondering what all the fuss was about.
Boy: Well, the other boys in our class were laughing, but I think they're just jealous.

Wow! I know now why I write more about boys. They are so ridiculously funny.

On another note, I think parents should stop sending their geriatric parents as "chaperones" for school functions. When you can't see or hear, you are not that much of a help.

Treehouse Man & Some Casts

This is a crazy time of year for me because it is the end of school and the start of camp. At my school, I have to completely pack up my room. As a department chair, I am preparing two "training" sessions. I'm also finishing report cards, preparing lessons, going to camp meetings and, of course, I got summoned to jury duty (I'm all for being a good citizen, but seriously?). I was smart enough to bring journals to grade as I sat in that ridiculous waiting area. Here are two entries that made me smile. Although sometimes I think these writing pieces are only funny to me because I know the children and can imagine them actually saying these things, but I hope some readers out there enjoy them (let me know with a comment :)). I especially like this student's style because it totally matches the way he actually speaks and tells stories.

"A treehouse! A treehouse! Sure, my dad has built us stuff before, but nothing like this! He even did this all by himself! You know what that means, no help! My mom wouldn't even help him. He even might add a slide someday. Don't get me wrong and all. I'm usually not this hyper, but in my opinion this is something to hype about. I mean, not everyone has a dad who will take this own time to build his kids a tree house. I might be scared of heights but I'm going to forget about that fear when I'm in that treehouse. I might even forget my fear entirely. You know, I'm thinking of renaming my dad: The Treehouse Man!"

"My name is Mike, and I've had twelve casts! Now, I know what you are thinking. What on earth does this kid do in his free time?! Well, the answer to that is : falling off monkey bars, tripping over tree roots and a whole lot of toe-walking. Casts 1,2,3: When I was three, I was trying to do a trick that goes like this: step 1: get on the monkey bars, step 2:swing really high off the monkey bars, step 3: land on your feet! I screwed up on#3. That little incident landed me in the hospital with three casts at one time! Cast 4: Everyone loves camp, and so do I. But, I used to like it more. If you are wondering why I don't like camp so much, here's my story: my friend Seth and I were playing a game called "Steal The Counselors Hat". Apparently, karma decided then to visit me. While I was running from my counselor, I tripped on a tree root and smashed my arm into the ground, leaving my arm in yet another cast. Cast 5,6,7,8,9,10,11 &12: ever since I was in kindergarten I would walk on my toes. No harm you say? Think again, reader! Your hamstrings get super tight. These casts on my legs were the only other choice besides surgery. My advice is to avoid all of these things."

It's almost Moving Up! I'm going to miss these little guys.

June?!

I'm actually doing it. A co-worker convinced me to entrust my little ones with them, so I can sleep in a little a try to get rid of this cold. I wanted to believe it was allergies, but as the anti-histamines proved, I'm not allergic to anything. The truth is I think my body is responding to the end of the year craziness in fifth grade and my tendency to over-commit myself. I also noticed that the more stressed I am, the less I notice funny events or saying around me. One of the reasons I started this blog in the first place, aside from sharing some of these ridiculous experiences, is to force myself to notice as much as possible all of the funny and clever things the kids say and do.

Tonight I was grading their tests on the systems of the body. In response to the question, "what is the function of the immune system?" A boy wrote, "The function of the immune system is to fight off sperms that try to harm the body." I guess sperms and germs sound too similar for him. Or, maybe he recently learned about sex? Oh well, I had to mark that one wrong.

Another response that I found cute (and actually understand HOW the child came up with this) is in answer to the question: "why does air enter and leave the body when the diaphram relaxes and contracts?" The correct answer is that it creates a vacuum in the abdominal cavity. Instead, he wrote, "the diaphram is our body's vacuum cleaner without electricity." Umm...I think we had a misunderstanding...

The Prince of Where?

I haven't written in a while because I have been going non-stop. I keep thinking about another experience we had on our Philadelphia trip. We took the kids on a duck tour, and on the tour they play music. In the midst of pointing out the historical sites, the tour also points out pieces of popular culture within the city. They point out where Will Smith's father lives (I know...very educational). Anyway, they started playing the song for the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air." The tour guide asked the kid if they knew where the song was from. Not ONE kid knew! How old did I feel? Also, even after we explained to them that it was a TV show. There was one kid who was like, "oh, and old fashioned show." And, now my favorite reaction, "What country is that prince from?" Also, for the record, Full House is now on Nick at Night. Shocker!

I leave you in charge...

I forgot this other field trip interaction that made me laugh. We were boarding the buses to go home. As this one boy, who's dad was a chaperone, was walking on the bus, he grabbed my hand and said: "Ms.F, I'm leaving you in charge of my dad. Make sure he gets on the bus, okay?" His dad and I were laughing about it on the way ride back. He was like, "I want you do know that it is not like I've ever gotten lost or anything."

BTW, has anyone noticed that most of my stories are about boys? I was thinking about this today. I think I just don't get men at all, and it must start even from an early age.

All You Can Eat & Mother's Day

It is a crazy time of year! I feel like I say that a lot, but I really mean it this time ;). There is just so much going on at school. Thus, I'm more tired and have less energy to sit and type. Here are some highlights of the week:

We took the kids on the dreaded Philadelphia trip. I avoided a few fiascos before the trip by grouping my unusual group of kids appropriately. I also didn't let another colleague get away with trying to give me a couple of troubled children that aren't my own. Poor planning or vindictive behavior on her part, you decide!

Anyway, on the trip, we take the kids to an all you can eat dining place. As we are walking in, one of my boys and I had this interaction:

Boy: Ms. F, I don't want to go in.
Me: Why not?
Boy: Because I don't know how much I can eat.... I don't want them to get mad at me if I can't finish.
Me: What do you mean?
Boy: Well, you said it is all you can it, and I don't know what to tell them about what I CAN eat.
Me: Sweetheart, do you know what 'all you can eat means?'
Boy: I think so...
Me: So you know that you can take whatever you want and eat however much you want?
Boy: Really?
Me: Yup
Boy: See ya!

I was surprised he took "all you can eat" so literally.

So on to Mother's Day: I really try to have the kids acknowledge aspects of people or events they appreciate. It has been easier with some than others. After getting back so late from our Philadelphia trip (9:15...I got home at 10:30), we made our Mother's Day cards as a mellow start to our next day. The requirements were to be specific in your complements. Here are some of my favorite lines:

1) "I love you when you appreciate me for all of my amazing qualities. You really know just how great I really am." Can we say obnoxious?!

2) "Thank you for always smelling great (that's more than I can say about Dad)." Poor Dad, getting knocked down while Mom is being built up.

3) "Mom, my favorite thing about you is your food." I am convinced now that this kid only thinks about food.

4) "Dear Mom, I'm sorry for all the times I've been rotten." This was just cute to me.

5) "No one vacuums the house the way you do." That's some talented vacuuming.

Puberty and "Poor Old Gal"

Today was one of the days at school that we, as teachers, dread. We only dread this day because the kids react in a way that is totally wound up. You see, today was puberty day in the fifth grade. That's right, they get the talk. No, not the sex talk, but your bodies may be changing talk. There was one boy in my class, who does have some psychological issues, that took an approach that I've never seen before. He came up to me a few hours before the talk, and we had this interaction:

Boy: Ms. F, I want to talk to you about puberty.
Me: Do you have a question about the talk today, or do you want to talk about puberty? Talking about puberty today will happen with the nurse.
Boy: It's about the talk. I meant to ask my parents to write a note. I decided I don't want to have puberty, so I don't need to go to the talk.
Me: You don't feel comfortable going to the talk?
Boy: No, I don't care so much about the talk. I just don't want to do puberty. I'm not going to..
Me: Sweetheart, everyone goes through puberty. You'll learn today that it happens naturally with your body.
Boy: Not mine! I don't want to.
Me: (taking a deep breath) You know what, why don't you go to the talk in case you and your body change your mind. At least you'll know what it's all about.
Boy: No, I'm not going to change my mind. (pause) Wait, is this the talk where we are separated from girls?
Me: Yup, and...
Boy: (cutting me off with a smile) No girls! I hate girls! Okay, I'm definitely going.

Here's some other funny puberty quotes:

"Does deodorant only go underneath your arms? Like just the arm pits or can you put it on other parts of your body for like extra protection?"

"I'm only going to wear "Old Spice" like my dad."

"Why does the girls deodorant say secret on it? What's the secret? Like is it not real deordorant?"


This is another interaction that happened with the same child as before actually. He had a melt down over a math test. It took me and a colleague to get this boy out from under a desk crying. One of my favorite things he said was, "I'm never going to be able to multiply fractions. I'm going to be an old grandpa that can't multiply fractions. Ms. F, you might as well call my mom and tell her I failed." One the strategies we tried was explaining to him that other people find different things difficult. We used the example of how my colleague isn't that great with computers, but she keeps trying. Today he walked in and said this to me: "Ms. F, I meant to ask you. How's Mrs. T doing with her (in a whispering voice) computer problems? I feel bad for her. Poor old gal! I just don't want to embarrass her by asking her to her face." So funny!