Puberty and "Poor Old Gal"

Today was one of the days at school that we, as teachers, dread. We only dread this day because the kids react in a way that is totally wound up. You see, today was puberty day in the fifth grade. That's right, they get the talk. No, not the sex talk, but your bodies may be changing talk. There was one boy in my class, who does have some psychological issues, that took an approach that I've never seen before. He came up to me a few hours before the talk, and we had this interaction:

Boy: Ms. F, I want to talk to you about puberty.
Me: Do you have a question about the talk today, or do you want to talk about puberty? Talking about puberty today will happen with the nurse.
Boy: It's about the talk. I meant to ask my parents to write a note. I decided I don't want to have puberty, so I don't need to go to the talk.
Me: You don't feel comfortable going to the talk?
Boy: No, I don't care so much about the talk. I just don't want to do puberty. I'm not going to..
Me: Sweetheart, everyone goes through puberty. You'll learn today that it happens naturally with your body.
Boy: Not mine! I don't want to.
Me: (taking a deep breath) You know what, why don't you go to the talk in case you and your body change your mind. At least you'll know what it's all about.
Boy: No, I'm not going to change my mind. (pause) Wait, is this the talk where we are separated from girls?
Me: Yup, and...
Boy: (cutting me off with a smile) No girls! I hate girls! Okay, I'm definitely going.

Here's some other funny puberty quotes:

"Does deodorant only go underneath your arms? Like just the arm pits or can you put it on other parts of your body for like extra protection?"

"I'm only going to wear "Old Spice" like my dad."

"Why does the girls deodorant say secret on it? What's the secret? Like is it not real deordorant?"


This is another interaction that happened with the same child as before actually. He had a melt down over a math test. It took me and a colleague to get this boy out from under a desk crying. One of my favorite things he said was, "I'm never going to be able to multiply fractions. I'm going to be an old grandpa that can't multiply fractions. Ms. F, you might as well call my mom and tell her I failed." One the strategies we tried was explaining to him that other people find different things difficult. We used the example of how my colleague isn't that great with computers, but she keeps trying. Today he walked in and said this to me: "Ms. F, I meant to ask you. How's Mrs. T doing with her (in a whispering voice) computer problems? I feel bad for her. Poor old gal! I just don't want to embarrass her by asking her to her face." So funny!