Underwear and experimenting with a new word!

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated this blog. There is quite a bit going on right now: 1) I am still managing some health issues. I know I’ve said this before, but we’re on the upswing (at least I just keep telling myself that). 2) There is no heat in my regular classroom. We had to move into another classroom. Not only did we displace someone else, but we also don’t have a lot of our usual stuff. I have one more week in this other room, and then, after winter break, I may be back in my classroom. This really shakes things up for kids. With that said, my class of angels are doing really well with it.

Here are two highlights:

We are reading this mystery book in one of our book groups, and in this story, a boy is searching for something in his grandma’s room. By accident, the character in this book opens a drawer that turns out to his grandma’s underwear drawer. Most of the kids giggle and laugh. This one boy stops me and says:

Boy: wait, I’m confused. Why is there an underwear drawer in his grandma’s room?
Me: Sweetheart, he’s in her bedroom.
Boy: grandparents wear underwear...wow..I never really thought about that before! I guess they do...
Me: of course, they do! They’re people too.
Boy: weird

This other story I heard in a the teacher’s lunchroom today, and I was really laughing at this one. A teacher shares that one of her students, who is kind of into eccentric and reads a lot, discovers a now inappropriate, esoteric n-word to describe a black person. It was a a black girl’s birthday on this particular day, and the boy decided to wish her “Happy Birthday, n...” He did not mean it in a derogatory way. The adults really believe he learned it in a book and didn’t understand the other implications of the word. I guess that’s what a second grader can do when he’s exposed to adult words without knowing the adult consequences...kind of sad but funny too.

the color of you...

Hi! It's been awhile. I have been not well these past days/a little over a week. Thank goodness I have a dream class because I am truly beat. I felt badly for them because I started having to leave work in the middle of the day. One day, I was in so much pain from this that I ended up pulling a random teacher from the hallway to watch my kids and I drove myself to the ER. I'm thankful I did, but I felt badly for my students. Anyway, I felt like I needed to provide an explanation for them about midweek. I sat the kids down on our class rug, and I started to explain that I have something going on. I didn't want them to worry, but I just wanted them to know what it was so they wouldn't let their imaginations get the better of them. One of my boys, with some social skill issues, decides to join the conversation my contributing this:

"Oh wow! Ms. F, you're looking horrible lately, so I'm not surprised. My mom won't be either because when she dropped me off this morning she said you were looking skinny and tired. Besides, the color of you ( he was trying to say I looked pale) is not how it usually is. I've seen you look bad, but ...."

I stopped him by saying, "OOOOOOkay, thanks for sharing your opinion. Does anyone have a question, not a comment, but a question about what I just shared with you?"

Clocks

There have been so many times over the past week or so that I thought "that's one for the blog!" Unfortunately, I have been so busy that I haven't had a chance or the energy to even write. The thing is that I feel like I am running on a treadmill that keeps speeding up. I put a stop to it for a little though, and I'm thrilled to go to Boston to do some visiting. Here's something funny that happened today:

I had this feeling that I lot of the kids in my class can't read an analog clock. The truth is that they aren't really required to do it that much anymore. All of the electronic devices in homes, in cars, on portable devices and even in our school are digital. Either way, call me old fashion, but I feel like reading an analog clock is still a valuable skill (even if it means that they just use it during a power outage). So, acting on my feeling, I did random poll of the class asking anyone who still have trouble reading non-digital clocks. This is what one girl said to me:

Me: Raise your hand if you feel you still need more practice reading clocks.
(more than half the class raised its hand).
Girl: Ms. F, I don't think we should waste our time with those circle clocks.
Me: Why not?
Girl: Well, I've practiced this before and every time the circle CLOCK isn't right.
Me: What do you mean the circle clock isn't right?
Girl: See, let me see your watch.
(Show her my watch)
Girl: Our classroom clock says 1:48 and your watch says...(long pause-she started counting by fives on her fingers :)..says 12:58.
Me: It does..let me see that...Sweetheart, the watch is right but you're reading it wrong.
Girl: So, the circle clocks do work?
Me: Yes, they were even around before the digital ones
Girl: Wow! that must have been so hard

I just love this little girl!

Fragment

It's official. I love my class this year. I know I said this last year, but this year it is also true. There is this one girl who seems to make me laugh often (I know; usually it's the boys that make me laugh). Anyway, one of my pet peeves is that the kids come into fifth grade thinking that dependent clauses are sentences just because it has a capital letter and a period at the end. I quickly burst that bubble and drown them in practicing the difference between dependent and independent clauses. They can now say in their sleep that a dependent clause is considered a fragment (I'm so proud!).
During reading time today, we were focusing on character traits. I used this story about a girl who is a copy cat type character. The discussion went to the idea that this character is not an independent person. This little girl said, "Yeah, I agree. She's just a fragment."

I loved it!

Not my grandparents!

One of the fifth grade science lessons is about the 6 life processes that all living things do. They are: 1) gets energy 2) uses energy 3) gets rid of waste 4) grows 5) reacts to change 6) reproduce. As a way to practice looking for all six processes, kids pick picture cards out of a basket. They get to talk in a small group to go through the 6 life processes and decide if something is really alive. A little girl in my class got “grandparents.” I happen to know her grandma, which makes this even more funny. When she got her card, she sat and thought about it. Then, she came up to me and said:

Girl: Ms. F, I know that my grandparents are alive but they don’t do all of the life processes.

Me: Really?! They are people aren’t they? Which ones don’t they do?

Girl: Well, they don’t reproduce!

Me: Of course, they did. How do you think they became grandparents?

Girl: Ms. F, there is just no way. Not my grandparents!

Me: Why not? They had your parents.

Girl: They’re just so old.

Me: They weren’t always that old.

Girl: Can I just pick another card?

By the end of the day..

Every once and awhile I have a day that reminds me why I love teaching. It isn’t for the funny things that kids say (although I love that). We were starting to use our writing journals today, and I have this basket with writing ideas laminated on index cards. I get them from a variety of sources: my head, my heart, teaching magazines, books on teaching writing, etc. Anyway, I reached into the writing basket and this card came out: “If your teacher won a million dollars, what do you think s/he’d would do with it?” Just as I finished reading the question and a boy in my class said: “she’d choose a different career.” If you knew this boy’s personality, you’d know (like I did) that he didn’t mean it to be disrespectful. So, after quieting the reaction of the rest of the class, I said, “what makes you say that?” He said, “as a teacher, you probably don’t make a lot of money. You see, you’re one of the smartest people I know and I think you should make more money.” It was coming from a really sweet place! I realized there is a lot to what he said. Not surprisingly, he knew that teachers don’t make that much money. I started wondering if he could even conceive of another reason why I am a teacher. So, I asked, and he couldn’t. Wanting to move on with my lesson, I said: “think about it, and give me an answer at the end of the day.” He agreed, and we finished the lesson.

There was no mention of this until I was standing in the lunch room. The same little boy came over to me and said, “Hey, Ms. F, I have a riddle for you.” Humoring him, I said, “let me hear.” He said, “a man is laying dead on the floor of his office. The only thing in the room is an apple and a spilled glass of water. How did he die.” I made two suggestions: “He had a heart attack?” and “he choked on the apple.” With a huge smile, the boy said, “nope, both wrong.” Wanting this conversation to end, I said, “I give up!” He took a deep breath and said, “okay, think about it and give me an answer by the end of the day.” I had know choice but to give the kid a high five.

Getting more Handsome

I can’t believe it’s been this long since I’ve posted. It was a really crazy week last week. I found myself so tired by the end of the week that I felt like I was just this body walking around, and my mind had gone to sleep a long time ago. The class is a really sweet one, and it is not them in and of themselves that tired me out so much. I was more drained from all of the other tasks I’ve taken on. I really like doing them, but it would not be an exaggeration to say I slept/laid around for most of the weekend. Anyway, here are a highlight of last week:


I was walking past the boys bathroom (which is not too far from my classroom by the way), and I heard a little voice from behind the door say, “Hey, Ms. F, is that you?” I stopped and said, “yes, are you alright?” The voice said, “Yup! I knew it was you because I heard your voice. Will you wait a second? I want to give you a hug.” At this point, I’m still not sure who is chatting with me through a bathroom door AND why he so badly wants to give me a hug. So, of course I say, “make sure you wash your hands. I’ll be right out here ” Out walks a little boy that I’ve known since he’s in kindergarten, and actually, I ended up helping one year with kindergarten soccer, and he was in it. The thing is that he was so much taller and older looking. He’d lost that kindergarten/1st grade baby face. As if this couldn’t get more ridiculous, we had this conversation:

Me: Hey, Bobby, you surprised me! I didn’t know who was coming out of the bathroom.
Boy: Yup, it was me. I saw you yesterday but you were talking to someone else. I don’t think you saw me.
Me: I don’t think I did.
Boy: You could of also not recognized me because I got more handsome this summer. That’s what my grandma told me. So, maybe you didn’t know it was me.
Me: I think that was it! You did get very handsome this summer.
Boy: (big smile) I knew that was it! See you later, Ms. F.

So cute! He “got so handsome” he thought I didn’t recognize him. Also, he was totally okay talking to me through the bathroom door. Haha..

Flag

For some unknown reason, the American flag that I've had in my classroom disappeared when I was unpacking boxes. So, my children had been pledging to a beautiful imaginary flag since Sept. 7th. We finally got word that the school found their 1 extra flag in the school basement (I'd be so scared to go down there). Anyway, when it was brought up to my room, it was on a pole that was so long that I couldn't put it in the flag pole holder because the ceiling got in the way. Now we know why this flag became the extra one that lived in the based and no one else wanted! Luckily, it was on a wooden pole, and when my awesome maintenance guys (seriously they are so good to me) got a chance they were going to trim the pole so we could hang our flag. So I leaned the flag, and it's super long pole against the wall, and I knew they'd trim it when they got a chance. One of the boys in the class came up to me and said: "Hey, Ms. F, I feel bad that you have to wait so long for our flag to get cut. You know my dad has a chain saw in our garage. He's away on a business trip, but I'd use it for you." Umm...no, you won't. That thought gave me at least two nightmares.

Not at all!

Since the start of the year, I've wanted to start a partnering blog called "From the Mouths of Parents." I have had some crazy parent stories lately, but I feel like it is getting harder to shock me. Maybe that's what three years of experience buys you. For instance, I had to turn down my dream of a class pet for a child who wasn't allergic to the animal but a completely unrelated allergen. Or, my personal favorite, "we decided last minute to take a week vacation. I won't be getting my child's work so don't bother sending it home. It's not like he'll miss that much." I want to say..."you're right, we're just going to sit in school and wait for you guys to come back." For my job's sake, thank goodness I have a filter between my brain and my mouth.

As far as kids, I had a moment today that made me laugh all day. I have a boy in my class who is pretty far along on the autistic spectrum. As with many kids, his condition is complicated and, of course, one of the many aspects of him is a complete misunderstanding of social norms. He also struggles unbelievably so with anything related to organization. Lately, he's been trying to cover up some things he knows he's forgotten or not done correctly. He's come up with these standard one liners to help him explain or try to get out of his little sticky situations. The standard one about not handing in homework is: "My parents weren't home last night. You know, this possible because my mom goes out some nights." The line hasn't work yet, but it is taking a long time to die out.

My students just came back from almost a week off due to a holiday. He was supposed to get something signed and he didn't. So we had this interaction:

Me: Sweetheart, what happened? I'm looking for my signed note.
Boy: Ms.F, my parents weren't home last night. You know, this possible because my mom goes out some nights.
Me: Bobby, we were just off for many nights. Are you being truthful with me?
Boy: Not at all
Me: I'm so disappointed about this.
Boy: Eh, I don't really care.
Me: Bobby, go back to your seat please.

I love how he totally came clean. I love my job!

An anesthesiologist & a mother

School is up and running! I have another great class this year, and quite honestly, I wasn't expecting it. You see there is this rumor among the teachers that if you get a sweet class one year, then you are bound to get a rough batch the next year. I loved my class last year, so I expected hell city. Either the shoe hasn't dropped yet or they're just a great bunch. There were two quotes from the kids "Getting to Know You" survey that just cracked me up. Here goes:

Question: What job do you think you'd like to have when you grow up and why?

One boy writes: "I'd like to be an anesthesiologist (spelled anastheezyologist) when I grow up. It is a type of doctor that can put people to sleep. I learned about this job when I had to have surgery this summer. I want to have this job because I think it is cool that you could put anyone to sleep whenever you wanted. I would especially like to use this with my brothers."

Question: Who are some of your friends in the grade? Why do you like being with them?

"I have only one true friend in this school and it is Joey. He is my true friend because he is the only one who understands how much I love rocks. We have a rock club together at recess. Even my mom doesn't understand how much I love rocks. I'm not allowed to pile them in the house anymore."

These answers made me laugh. I hope you enjoyed!

A Great Life

We are still setting up our classrooms, getting organized and having a whole bunch of meetings to get ready for the start of school. Today a colleague of mind brought her son in to school. He was bored out of his mind, so I offered for him to help me with some simple set-up tasks. When I offered the job to him, he said "Ms. F, you chose the right person because I'm a great helper." While he was helping in the room, he decided to share this thought about me with me:

Boy: Hey, Ms. F, you must have a great life.
Me: I think it's pretty good; what makes you say that?
Boy: Well, my mom says people who are organized can get there work done faster and then move on to more fun things. I'm not organized so I have less fun because I'm always looking for things. You're really organized, so you must have a lot of fun. That means you have a great life!
Me: You are right on!

I just found this so cute!

That must have been awkward..

I know that you shouldn't use sarcasm with kids, and I think I rarely do. I met a child who is going to be in my class when school starts. Sometimes kids come around when the teachers are setting up there rooms just to say hi. I don't mind being interrupted from my unpacking and setting up; it is just that I would rather the kids walk in to seeing the room as a finished product. Anyway, I get the need to relieve anxiety for both the children and the parents. So this little girl came to say hi and we had this interaction:

Me: Hi, I'm Miss F. How was your summer?
Child: Great! I was at sleep away camp.
Me: Oh, you're so lucky! I tried to go to sleep away camp this summer and they told me I was too old.
Child: (face drops) that must have been really awkward! were you embarrassed?

Oops! At least her mom laughed :).

Girls and an Imaginary Girlfriend

I am so incredibly proud of my class today. They had there Moving Up! Ceremony, and I feel this sense of accomplishment for them and myself. I can only imagine what the parents are feelings. Anyway, two things made me laugh out loud today:

1) It is tradition after the ceremony for the kids to change in designated rooms (separating boys and girls, of course) and for the class to go to a pool party. My boys were waiting out in the hallway, and I noticed they looked angry. When I asked them what's going on, they responded "Miss F, why does it take so long for the girls to change? What on earth are they doing in there? It is hot, and we want to go in the pool. Can we leave without them?" Umm...of course not! I told them that the girls had more things to do to get ready and that they should get used it.

2) This is the one day of the year that I turn a blind eye to seeing electronic on the bus to the pool party. When the boys got off the bus, they were all crowding around an ipod (the one that looks like an iphone) and laughing. Since 10 year old boys can't seem to be discrete, I went over to see what the fuss was about. I totally expected to see an inappropriate picture of some kind. I asked the owner of the ipod to talk to me on the side. It turned out that he made himself "an imaginary" cartoon girlfriend from a computer program. She looked like a south park like character. After I looked at the picture, the boy and I had this interaction:
Me: So, who is this?
Boy (huge smile): My imaginary girlfriend....I made her.
Me: Oh, that's interesting
Boy: Yeah, she's great. Do you like her?
Me: Well, I guess. Does she have a name?
Boy: Umm...hmm (has an expression of deep thought)...well, I've just always called her Girlfriend. Am I in trouble?
Me: No, honey, I was just wondering what all the fuss was about.
Boy: Well, the other boys in our class were laughing, but I think they're just jealous.

Wow! I know now why I write more about boys. They are so ridiculously funny.

On another note, I think parents should stop sending their geriatric parents as "chaperones" for school functions. When you can't see or hear, you are not that much of a help.

Treehouse Man & Some Casts

This is a crazy time of year for me because it is the end of school and the start of camp. At my school, I have to completely pack up my room. As a department chair, I am preparing two "training" sessions. I'm also finishing report cards, preparing lessons, going to camp meetings and, of course, I got summoned to jury duty (I'm all for being a good citizen, but seriously?). I was smart enough to bring journals to grade as I sat in that ridiculous waiting area. Here are two entries that made me smile. Although sometimes I think these writing pieces are only funny to me because I know the children and can imagine them actually saying these things, but I hope some readers out there enjoy them (let me know with a comment :)). I especially like this student's style because it totally matches the way he actually speaks and tells stories.

"A treehouse! A treehouse! Sure, my dad has built us stuff before, but nothing like this! He even did this all by himself! You know what that means, no help! My mom wouldn't even help him. He even might add a slide someday. Don't get me wrong and all. I'm usually not this hyper, but in my opinion this is something to hype about. I mean, not everyone has a dad who will take this own time to build his kids a tree house. I might be scared of heights but I'm going to forget about that fear when I'm in that treehouse. I might even forget my fear entirely. You know, I'm thinking of renaming my dad: The Treehouse Man!"

"My name is Mike, and I've had twelve casts! Now, I know what you are thinking. What on earth does this kid do in his free time?! Well, the answer to that is : falling off monkey bars, tripping over tree roots and a whole lot of toe-walking. Casts 1,2,3: When I was three, I was trying to do a trick that goes like this: step 1: get on the monkey bars, step 2:swing really high off the monkey bars, step 3: land on your feet! I screwed up on#3. That little incident landed me in the hospital with three casts at one time! Cast 4: Everyone loves camp, and so do I. But, I used to like it more. If you are wondering why I don't like camp so much, here's my story: my friend Seth and I were playing a game called "Steal The Counselors Hat". Apparently, karma decided then to visit me. While I was running from my counselor, I tripped on a tree root and smashed my arm into the ground, leaving my arm in yet another cast. Cast 5,6,7,8,9,10,11 &12: ever since I was in kindergarten I would walk on my toes. No harm you say? Think again, reader! Your hamstrings get super tight. These casts on my legs were the only other choice besides surgery. My advice is to avoid all of these things."

It's almost Moving Up! I'm going to miss these little guys.

June?!

I'm actually doing it. A co-worker convinced me to entrust my little ones with them, so I can sleep in a little a try to get rid of this cold. I wanted to believe it was allergies, but as the anti-histamines proved, I'm not allergic to anything. The truth is I think my body is responding to the end of the year craziness in fifth grade and my tendency to over-commit myself. I also noticed that the more stressed I am, the less I notice funny events or saying around me. One of the reasons I started this blog in the first place, aside from sharing some of these ridiculous experiences, is to force myself to notice as much as possible all of the funny and clever things the kids say and do.

Tonight I was grading their tests on the systems of the body. In response to the question, "what is the function of the immune system?" A boy wrote, "The function of the immune system is to fight off sperms that try to harm the body." I guess sperms and germs sound too similar for him. Or, maybe he recently learned about sex? Oh well, I had to mark that one wrong.

Another response that I found cute (and actually understand HOW the child came up with this) is in answer to the question: "why does air enter and leave the body when the diaphram relaxes and contracts?" The correct answer is that it creates a vacuum in the abdominal cavity. Instead, he wrote, "the diaphram is our body's vacuum cleaner without electricity." Umm...I think we had a misunderstanding...

The Prince of Where?

I haven't written in a while because I have been going non-stop. I keep thinking about another experience we had on our Philadelphia trip. We took the kids on a duck tour, and on the tour they play music. In the midst of pointing out the historical sites, the tour also points out pieces of popular culture within the city. They point out where Will Smith's father lives (I know...very educational). Anyway, they started playing the song for the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air." The tour guide asked the kid if they knew where the song was from. Not ONE kid knew! How old did I feel? Also, even after we explained to them that it was a TV show. There was one kid who was like, "oh, and old fashioned show." And, now my favorite reaction, "What country is that prince from?" Also, for the record, Full House is now on Nick at Night. Shocker!

I leave you in charge...

I forgot this other field trip interaction that made me laugh. We were boarding the buses to go home. As this one boy, who's dad was a chaperone, was walking on the bus, he grabbed my hand and said: "Ms.F, I'm leaving you in charge of my dad. Make sure he gets on the bus, okay?" His dad and I were laughing about it on the way ride back. He was like, "I want you do know that it is not like I've ever gotten lost or anything."

BTW, has anyone noticed that most of my stories are about boys? I was thinking about this today. I think I just don't get men at all, and it must start even from an early age.

All You Can Eat & Mother's Day

It is a crazy time of year! I feel like I say that a lot, but I really mean it this time ;). There is just so much going on at school. Thus, I'm more tired and have less energy to sit and type. Here are some highlights of the week:

We took the kids on the dreaded Philadelphia trip. I avoided a few fiascos before the trip by grouping my unusual group of kids appropriately. I also didn't let another colleague get away with trying to give me a couple of troubled children that aren't my own. Poor planning or vindictive behavior on her part, you decide!

Anyway, on the trip, we take the kids to an all you can eat dining place. As we are walking in, one of my boys and I had this interaction:

Boy: Ms. F, I don't want to go in.
Me: Why not?
Boy: Because I don't know how much I can eat.... I don't want them to get mad at me if I can't finish.
Me: What do you mean?
Boy: Well, you said it is all you can it, and I don't know what to tell them about what I CAN eat.
Me: Sweetheart, do you know what 'all you can eat means?'
Boy: I think so...
Me: So you know that you can take whatever you want and eat however much you want?
Boy: Really?
Me: Yup
Boy: See ya!

I was surprised he took "all you can eat" so literally.

So on to Mother's Day: I really try to have the kids acknowledge aspects of people or events they appreciate. It has been easier with some than others. After getting back so late from our Philadelphia trip (9:15...I got home at 10:30), we made our Mother's Day cards as a mellow start to our next day. The requirements were to be specific in your complements. Here are some of my favorite lines:

1) "I love you when you appreciate me for all of my amazing qualities. You really know just how great I really am." Can we say obnoxious?!

2) "Thank you for always smelling great (that's more than I can say about Dad)." Poor Dad, getting knocked down while Mom is being built up.

3) "Mom, my favorite thing about you is your food." I am convinced now that this kid only thinks about food.

4) "Dear Mom, I'm sorry for all the times I've been rotten." This was just cute to me.

5) "No one vacuums the house the way you do." That's some talented vacuuming.

Puberty and "Poor Old Gal"

Today was one of the days at school that we, as teachers, dread. We only dread this day because the kids react in a way that is totally wound up. You see, today was puberty day in the fifth grade. That's right, they get the talk. No, not the sex talk, but your bodies may be changing talk. There was one boy in my class, who does have some psychological issues, that took an approach that I've never seen before. He came up to me a few hours before the talk, and we had this interaction:

Boy: Ms. F, I want to talk to you about puberty.
Me: Do you have a question about the talk today, or do you want to talk about puberty? Talking about puberty today will happen with the nurse.
Boy: It's about the talk. I meant to ask my parents to write a note. I decided I don't want to have puberty, so I don't need to go to the talk.
Me: You don't feel comfortable going to the talk?
Boy: No, I don't care so much about the talk. I just don't want to do puberty. I'm not going to..
Me: Sweetheart, everyone goes through puberty. You'll learn today that it happens naturally with your body.
Boy: Not mine! I don't want to.
Me: (taking a deep breath) You know what, why don't you go to the talk in case you and your body change your mind. At least you'll know what it's all about.
Boy: No, I'm not going to change my mind. (pause) Wait, is this the talk where we are separated from girls?
Me: Yup, and...
Boy: (cutting me off with a smile) No girls! I hate girls! Okay, I'm definitely going.

Here's some other funny puberty quotes:

"Does deodorant only go underneath your arms? Like just the arm pits or can you put it on other parts of your body for like extra protection?"

"I'm only going to wear "Old Spice" like my dad."

"Why does the girls deodorant say secret on it? What's the secret? Like is it not real deordorant?"


This is another interaction that happened with the same child as before actually. He had a melt down over a math test. It took me and a colleague to get this boy out from under a desk crying. One of my favorite things he said was, "I'm never going to be able to multiply fractions. I'm going to be an old grandpa that can't multiply fractions. Ms. F, you might as well call my mom and tell her I failed." One the strategies we tried was explaining to him that other people find different things difficult. We used the example of how my colleague isn't that great with computers, but she keeps trying. Today he walked in and said this to me: "Ms. F, I meant to ask you. How's Mrs. T doing with her (in a whispering voice) computer problems? I feel bad for her. Poor old gal! I just don't want to embarrass her by asking her to her face." So funny!

Surprise and Drama Queen

This year, I have an exceptionally sweet class. I don't know if I've mentioned this previously, but last year was a rough group (they were needy, whiny and often didn't get along). This morning two girls came over to me with a sign they made on a play date. It was a belated happy birthday sign and some cake they made. This sign was one of the greatest things I've ever seen, and it was not just because it was a sign made for me. It was because they took pictures of themselves in funny poses with their thumbs up. Underneath the pictures it says, "we give you two thumbs up." The fact that they spent time doing this, took cheesy pictures of themselves and wrote a cute message will mean that I will cherish this sign always. This is one of the things that keep me going (certainly not the money ;)).

Here's a free writing journal entry one of my students wrote about herself:

"I am one major drama queen. I even got a fake ID card at a bar mitzvah that says "Drama Queen" on it. Then there is a picture of me over the words. It is my official Drama Queen ID card. It is not just the ID card that makes me a drama queen though. My parents call me that because I am a big mouth. I also fake cry sometimes or act like other people. Really, I just like to stand out. I love acting. It is something that you can suddenly do to entertain yourself. If you get mad, I recommend that you imitate that person. If you are upset with yourself, you should make yourself laugh. Also, when you are happy, you should act out whatever made you happy. My parents say I could be an actress, a lawyer, or a comedian when I grow up. At least I have some sort of future."

Wow! There are so many troubling pieces of this to me, but it is just funny how honest she is. I wonder how often she imitates me....hmmm

Why Boys Have An Easier Life

On a free writing topic, a girl wrote an article called "Why Boys Have an Easier Life." Enjoy!

"I think boy have a waaaaay easier life than girls. Tes, it took be awhile, but I thought of ten reasons. First, do boys have to worry about how they look? I don't think so. They never go, "oh, my lips are chapped! where's my chapstick?!" I can't imagine a boy saying that. Second, can you picture a boy wearing makeup? No! Do they have to go to the make-up store? I think not! Third, boys actually know how to "reuse" their clothes, so their laundry bags at camp are always lighter. Number four, it's probably not hard to find clothes they like. They probably don't care that much about what they wear, and maybe their parents go to the store for them. Fifth, last time I checked, there were way more boy's shoes. Most sneakers are for boys. It is hard for me to find shoes I like. Instead of looking for new shoes this weekend, I spent my time counting if there were more boy shoes or girl shoes in the store. Which one do you think won? Number six, most of them have short hair, so they don't have to keep fixing it. That brings me to number seven and eight: 7) they don't get tangles and knots in their hair that hurt, 8) they don't have to wear a hair tie on their wrist in case they want to tie their hair back. Nineth, their bags are probably lighter because they don't have to carry around brushes and mirrors and stuff.Last one, the most important, boys don't wear Uggs. They're lucky that they don't have to worry about getting them ruined. If you want to add more to my list, tell me, so I can prove (especially to my annoying brother) that girls have harder lives."

Wow! She hasn't even started dealing with the really hard things about being a woman like periods, bras, cramps, mood swings, hair removal, catty women, etc. I also think that she didn't touch on how guys can pee standing up. That is a HUGE plus, and it has always simply fascinated me!

There is a great picture that goes along with this article as well. It is a stick figure of a girl with mangled hair, dirty Ugg boots and a frown. Standing next to the girl stick figure is a boy with short hair and a huge smile on his face. Maybe it is good she didn't mention the peeing standing up thing...she may have wanted to draw a picture of that...

The Bee & Some love trouble

I'm not sure if this is funny or fascinating...or maybe it is just funny that I find this fascinating:

Okay, you can jump to look at the picture, and think: why the hell would she put a picture of a dead bee on her blog? Well, what happened with this bee to incredible! The students were taking a math test, and this little bugger was buzzing around the room. Anytime a bug is in the room, it distracts them. This was irritating them and quite frankly me. I kept reassuring and encouraging them to keep working on their test. Many of the kids were able to refocus themselves. Then the bee landed on a girls desk, and she called me over. I will admit flat out that I went over to the desk with the intention of killing the bee. So I took a water bottle and tried to bash it. Unfortunately, the little pest squeezed itself into the little bubbles underneath the water bottle and was now angry. All I needed was for him to fly out from under the water bottle all pissed off and sting a kid. So, I asked a kid to bring me my stapler. I quickly lifted the bottle, and as the bee flew up, I bashed the stapler down. I hit the bee's head, and it popped off. So I actually decapitated the bee. You should have heard the cheering that went on in the classroom. "All right, Ms. F, that bee won't mess with you!" How many people can say they decapitated an insect? Now, look at the picture closely. Do you see the head separated from its body? I ended up walking around the classroom showing the kids. So an annoying and potentially dangerous classroom situation turned educational...not bad!



Now, on to fifth grade love trouble:

I was talking to this boy at dismissal because he looked sad. He said something that I found so funny!

Me: Hey, you're looking sad. Is everything okay?
Boy: Ms. F, it's Betty.
Me: What's going on?
Boy: She's torturing me in a way that only a girl can. I mean, no offense or anything...
Me: It's okay. What do you mean?
Boy: Only a girl could be this annoying.

Hehe..she's torturing me in a way on a girl can...

Nursing home and a model society

I forgot to mention another funny thing that happened at the nursing home last week. We walked into the lobby, and I instructed the kids to wait by this giant flower pot. They gathered around the flower pot as I spoke to the lady who organized this with me. She was explaining a few details and asked us to wait a few minutes for some more residents to find their way to the room where we were doing out program. I looked over at too girls looking in these mirrors by the flower pot. They saw that they had my attention and came over to tell me this:

Girl 1: Ms. F, we think this is a really nice nursing home. They even put in these special mirrors over there that make whoever looks in them look younger than they are.
Me: Oh really, why do you think they'd do that?
Girl 2: So, the people here won't feel badly when they see how horrible they actually look.
Girl 1: Come over and look in the mirror, you'll look like a teenager.

Why do they think these mirrors exists? I love their imaginations sometimes...

In other news, we've entered into our study of the colonies. We were discussing the Puritans and how they wanted to set up a model society. I gave them a creative writing assignment about what they think would make up a model society. Most of the answers were really well thought out. Then there was this one:

"In my society, there would be no fast food. We all know fast food is what's making people fat. There would also be no obese people because everyone would have a mandatory exercise hour in the middle of the day. If you feel like you can't do the exercise hour, well, too bad. I guess you better start running now."

Wow! Creative...Does this trouble anyone else though? Of all the aspects of a society, this is what would make it admirable to him...hmm

Last 4 days

I'm sorry for being MIA, blog readers, I had my sister in from out of town. I wanted to spend time with her in the evenings. Anyway, funny and inspiring things have been happening. Here are some of them:

1. Someone audibly passed gas in class yesterday. At the time, I wasn't sure who it was, but I was proud of my class because only a few of them needed to burst out laughing. Once they got over it and the class was working, the boy came over to me and said: "Ms. F, I just wanted to say: excuse me." So cute! And, now I totally know it was him :)!

2. On a more mature note, my class went to a nursing home on a visit together. I have to say that when this time of year rolls around, I get so excited to go to the nursing home. It is so funny to watch my students interact with elderly. My favorite moment was these two elderly residents sitting together on a couch. Two of my students went over to them, and they had this interaction:

Student 1: So, how do you guys know each other?
Elderly man, Stan: this is my new girlfriend, Ida
Student 2: Oh, I thought you were married
Elderly Woman: I'm not married to him!
Student 2: Sorry, I was just guessing. How do you know each other?
Elderly man: I'm 88, and I picked her up at Thursday night Bingo. Ida is 91, you know.

They talk for awhile. When they walked away, they had this interaction.

student 1: I think Stan was lying about Ida.
student 2: yeah, she didn't seem that into him.
student 1: No, I mean that he picked her up at bingo. He's not that strong at 88 to pick her up. He had to use a walker to get to the couch.
student 2: yeah, that was totally a lie!

hehe! They can be so literal sometimes.

More Science

We're back from vacation, so it's spring in fifth grade. I doubt it will happen in my class this year, because of the nature of the kids in the room, but other classes have couples. One even broke up right in front of me in the lunch room. All I can say is..."these are the days of our lives...."

In other news, my students are learning about the systems of the body. The kids do a simulation of medical school. We have them wear "lab coats," and many of them get very into their role. It is very important in upper elementary school grades to expose children to new vocabulary words. We explained how our these activities are "simulating" medical school. Thus, we can call these activities a simulation. They get the meaning, but some have a recall of or confuse this word with another similar word. Some kids walk around calling it the "stimulation."

Here's what one girl wrote in her class journal about starting the simulation:

"I'm excited to start the simulation. I'm in neurology. My group has Joe (funny), and Ellie is fun to be with. Nerves seem really fun to learn about too. I hope I learn about how you are nervous. I think it is great that we get to pretend to be doctors without going to jail. My mom said people who pretend to be doctors and don't go to medical school go to jail."

A house and ten dollars

It's vacation now! I took advantage of the beautiful weather today and marked papers in Bryant Park. Before vacation, we talked about persuasive writing skills. They had a homework assignment to write a persuasive paragraph that tries to convince a member of their family to let then do something or having something. Many of the ideas were pretty standard in the world of 10 year-olds: wanting a cell phone, a later bedtime, or a sleepover. This wrote this paragraph for his parents:

"I would like to live in my own house. It would make the lives of my friends, you and me better. It would be better for me because I would get to live on my own and learn from that. If I get a house (and it doesn't have to be brand new), I will not be annoying to you or my sister at home anymore. If I get a house, I could have sleepovers more often, and you could pay for it. I will get a lot of new friends too because they will want to come to my house. Please get me a house."

All I have to say about this is that kids are getting way to expensive. I remember asking my parents for stuff, but I never went for my own house! I can't even afford a house of my own, and I have a job. Wait...he's not worrying about the cost. After all, he wrote "you could pay for it." So funny!

Here's another good one. This boy intended this paragraph for his older brother:

"I really need ten dollars, Jon. I am approaching you in a brotherly way because I look up to you. You are my role model, and you are awesome! I am lucky to have a brother like you. I am sure that you would want to help me have a happy life, and in order to have a happy life, I need ten bucks. If you give me ten dollars, I will not annoy you for two weeks, and I will do your laundry for one week. I will stay away from you when you have a friend over. I will do what you say. So please, hear me out. I just want ten dollars from you. "

All he needs for a happy life is ten dollars. He'll stay out of your hair for two weeks and do laundry. If you ask me, this is a pure bargain. I would so take this deal....:)

Imaginary Animals

If I could have quit teaching this week I would have, and it was all because of a raging, lunatic parent that claims I don't see her child's brilliance....believe me, I'm really trying to see it.... Anyway, thank goodness it's vacation.

We did this project for our animal adaptation unit, and they were all laid out on the back table in my classroom. The kids had to come up with an animal that could survive in one of two climate choices. They did a great job. They wrote their papers describing their animal and then they got to build their animals in class. The easiest way to do this is to really combine some animals that you already know (ie- a cross between a bird and a butterfly). Get it?

One girl was really proud of her imaginary animal and got her dad to come in a view the animal before school started. She brought him into the classroom and had this interaction:

Dad: oh, wow! I love it! It's a cross between a gopher and a zebra.
Girl: Daddy! How could you say that? (saddened look)
Dad: (puzzled and trying to recover) hmm, maybe I need to look at it more closely.
Girl: It's because you're so tall. Here...(she hands him the animal to get a closer look)
Dad picks up the animal
Dad: Oh, I see it now...sweetheart, I'm so proud of you! (hands it back to her)
Girl: You still don't know what it is, right? (teary now)
Dad: Honey, don't get upset...I just don't know a lot about animals. I bet when you bring it home, Mommy will know exactly what it is..
Girl: Yeah, she will...it's part horse, part caterpillar and part beaver...see?
Dad: Oh...okay...

Kids art projects are funny...I always like to say something like, "That looks beautiful! What is it?" You can get into hot water otherwise

Persuasive Writing

One of the styles of writing we expose kids to in fifth grade is persuasive writing. The thing about learning to write persuasively is that you have to know how to be convincing someone in general. Some of these kids don't realize that 'because I want it' or 'I asked for it' aren't very convincing. Anyway, I started this lesson off with an index card on everyone's desk and asked them to try to convince me not to give them homework. This might be the best idea I've had in a long time. Check out some of the tactics they used (and my thoughts afterward):

"Did you know that a lot of Americans are obese? Well, you're the cause. Teachers force kids to sit and do homework instead of playing outside. That is why the country is fat." Oh yeah, fast food, TV, computers and video games have nothing to do with it ;).

"A scientist said once that the more free time students have the better they do in school." So, does that mean that anything a scientist said once is true?

"If we didn't have homework, I would behave better in class because I'd be done running around. I could get my rest in class." Dude, you have to behave in the classroom anyway.

"Ms. F, I bet you didn't like homework as a kid. So, why do you give it to us? Shouldn't you treat us the way you would have wanted to be treated. It's the golden rule." If they only knew what I nerd I was...(and still am..;).

Flexibility

I think I've mentioned before how dismissal is actually a tough time of the day. Remarkably, we have it down to somewhat of a science. In order for this system to work, there are some absolutes: all parents must get on a line to pick up their kid (yes, even you!); any change in a child's regular dismissal must have a note from home and no bus is allowed to leave until we give them the all clear that they have all of their students. One bus driver decided that he wanted to make a deal with the security guard at work, and they had this arrangement where he could leave early once he though he had everybody. As I'm sure you've imagined by now, he left before having one student on Friday. Over the walkie talkie, someone said, "there are no deals here!" As we are figuring out what happened, the little boy taps me, and we have this interaction:

Boy: (tapping me) Ms. F, I have an idea.
Me: What's that?
Boy: I can just get on another bus. My mom told me I need to be more flexible. Maybe it doesn't have to be that bus.
Me: It does have to be that bus, because those buses go to other places.
Boy: Yeah, but I just don't want to be HERE right now, and maybe one of those drivers will take me home.

Poor guy, I wanted to go home too! I don't think getting on a random bus was the kind of flexibility Mom was talking about though...

From Books to Breakup

In elementary school, kids have "reading" as a subject. Many of you probably don't remember back that far, but reading and understanding it is an actually activity. In my class now we are cycling three books: Phantom Tollbooth, Among the Hidden and The Time Bike. In the Among the Hidden group, we were talking about how different one of the characters is from the rest of his family. One of the ideas about reading that I always come back to with this kids is that the reader needs to relate to what he or she is reading in some way. So, I try to think of questions that might guide their thinking. So, I asked: how are you different than the rest of the members of your family. I expected many of the answers I got such as: I'm the least grumpy when I wake up, I am the only one who likes cartoons, I'm the only one who likes bugs....Then, there was this answer:

"I'm the only one who doesn't make a big deal out of my sister's break up with her stupid boyfriend. My parents are listening to her cry, and I want to yell at her to shut up. You're not allowed to say shut up in my house though."

What a sympathetic younger brother!

A note about Among the Hidden: This is an awesome book that I think even adults should read. It is the first book in the 'shadow children' series by Jane Haddix.

A computer just for video games

I took a personal day yesterday, and it turns out if was a good day to do it. The rain storm took out the power at school, and we were barely functional today. From what I hear the school was ridiculous on Monday. Coming back to school today was stressful because of some commuting hassles. I was further annoyed when I realized the copies, emails and smartboard presentations were not going to happen. One thing was able to totally change my mood, and it wasn't the electricity coming on (although we eventually got some power). One of the boys came up to me and said, "Welcome back, Ms. F! I missed you." That boy might have just been being polite, but it really helped me.

On a more ridiculous note, one of the boys in my class told me that he can't type his report at home because he isn't allowed to use the computers at his house. I was surprised to hear it, and at conferences last week, I was sure to ask his parents about it. His parents were like, "what?! You mean that less than a year old computer in his room. Of course, he can use it." We decided that we were going to team up to keep a closer eye on his stories. He gave me a different story about the computer today that "it is really only for video games, and that (his) dad doesn't like it if he uses it for anything else." So, I told him that we were going to make a phone call together and he can ask his dad permission right now if he can use his computer for his assignment. Looking a totally uncomfortable, we dialed his dad's cell phone and spoke together on speaker phone. We had this conversation:

Me: Hi, Mr. ______ this is Ms. F. I'm standing here with Jacob and his handwritten copy of his report.
Dad: Hey, buddy, why isn't the report typed like Ms. F asked ?
Jay: Hey (quiet voice then silence)
Dad: That's your explanation? Hey?
Jay: I didn't type it.
Dad: I hear that. Why?
He is just standing there stiff..no sound coming out of his mouth...
Me: Mr. _________, Jay shared that he is under the impression that he's not allowed to use his computer unless it is for video games.
Dad: Seriously? Come on, Jay
Jay: I was just..
Dad (cuts him off): Buddy, just stop...whatever you were just, you aren't anymore...got it?
Jay: okay
Dad: You are going to type the paper tonight...on your computer... that's not just for video games

Honestly...did he think I would fall for a computer just for video games...come on!

The clincher...as we are ending the conversation, this happens:

Dad: So, we are all clear about what is going to happen and what is going to be in Ms. F's hands tomorrow morning.
Jay: Yeah, and Dad..
Dad: Yeah
Jay: Can I go to Joey's after-school for a playdate?

Oy! Even I could tell, it's not a good time to ask this..yikes!

Distraught

This boy I tutor came in to our session a little annoyed. When I asked him what was wrong he explained that he has to redo part of an assignment, and he thought it was ridiculous. It was a vocabulary assignment. He had to write sentences that showed the meanings for his vocabulary words. For the word, distraught, he wrote: "The man stood in from of subway and McDonalds distraught." I asked him if he knew distraught meant and he told me. So we continued with this conversation:

Me: okay, I'm not sure I see how your sentence shows the meaning of distraught
Boy: well, the man can't decide if he should get food from McDonalds or Subway, and that's why he's standing there.
Me: I see how he might be confused but he's not confused because he's upset. He's just undecided.
Boy: I disagree, speak for yourself. You have one meal. Do you enjoy the fries and all beef patty or the delicious turkey sub and chips? When you are hungry, some people might feel upset and confused.
Me: I see what you're saying. Maybe your teacher needs a more common situation that people get distraught in...can you think of anything?
Boy: ice cream or cake?
Me: Let's move away from deciding about food.
Boy: Like losing keys?

This cracked me up!

Mom, do you do....?

Fifth grade is a hard age for kids because they start wanting to be a part of the crowd so badly, and friendships are so incredibly important to them. At my school there are usually a few cliques of girls that vary in interest and maturity level. A girl from my class started hanging out with a more "mature" group of girls made up of mostly girls from another class. I am not going to deny that this year's crowd is not the hippest. Anyway, since she started hanging out with these girls, she's been making some poor decisions. and I've been in touch with her mom about it. We are trying to help guide her a little more. The mother shared this story today:

"You know, Ms. F, you're absolutely right that she's being exposed to new things with this group, and she's not processing things well. My husband and I agreed that this past weekend was going to be the last play date for a long time. When we picked her up, she got in the car and was rather quiet. Suddenly, like out of nowhere, she asked, 'Mom, do you do masturbation?' My husband almost hit a tree! She didn't understand what the word meant (obviously), and apparently she said this friend's sister was somehow talking about masturbation."

How ridiculous?! How embarrassing is it going to be for her when she gets older and realizes she asked her parents that?!

See, this is why I work with kids

For awhile now, this situation has stuck in my mind as to why working with adults would drive me crazy. I just get the feeling that they should know better. Kids, we'll at least they have the fact that they're young and naive as an excuse. Anyway, picture this:

I was looking for research books for my kids in the library. That's right, my kids are rockin' they're first research report with the help of yours truly. As I was searching the shelves, a little kindergarten class was checking out books. Watching them, in and of itself, is pure entertainment. There is a boy in this class that has a sister in my class. I recognized his mother walking into the library. As soon as she stepped foot in the library, the little boy ran to her: "Mommy!" His little unsuspecting friend ran over to her too. He tapped her and said, "are you Adam's mommy?" With an annoyed expression, she turned to this little boy and said, "kid, what do you think? I just walk into random classes and kiss random kids. I mean, come on!" If he were a little older, he probably would have walked away hurt and maybe started crying. He may have felt hurt, but he certainly didn't look it. He had the best response I think he could have had. He paused a minute and said, "so, are you Adam's mommy? I don't know." Thank goodness Adam finally stepped in and said, "Yes, this is my mommy."

Here's my question: would it have killed her to just say yes the first time? Furthermore, she may not walk up to random kindergartners and kiss them, but she will snap at random kindergartners? I was so annoyed with her just watching that. I feel like she should know better. Honestly! Kudos to that little boy for hanging in there and giving it right back to her. What would she have done if her five year old didn't take control of the situation?

Perpetually winking

Work has been very busy lately for a few reasons...1) it's report card season (teachers spend hours writing narratives and filling out chart that don't really give a good picture of the child) 2) it is conference season (not only do I do more paper work for that, but parents constantly want to change their time) 3) I am giving a workshop on professional development day and needed to prepare for that 4) oh yeah..lessons & grading 5) I have to coordinate this chesed project for my class to go to an old age home (seriously?). I promised myself that I wouldn't use this blog for venting, but I guess the occasional venting will be okay. All in all, it is so nice when I get to do my job and actually teach (instead of all this other garbage).

Anyway, of course there were some things that made me laugh this week..for instance:

A little boy in my class had his hair grown over his eyes for a long time. He told me that he was finally "getting a hair cut" yesterday. I was excited to actually see this kids face for once. What happened with his hair is absolutely ridiculous...he got a haircut that only shows one of his eyes! So, I kid you not, it's like he is perpetually winking. Unbelievable!

Trying to Use Words

As many of my readers know, some of the kids in my class have moderate special needs. I have this really bright boy who has some trouble understanding social conventions. He needs very structured and explicit teaching about certain behaviors that come naturally, or at least very quickly, to most students. We are still working on appropriate ways to ask to go to the bathroom. At the beginning on the year, he was walking up to me and grabbing his crotch. I had to stop that immediately for obvious reasons. For the beginning of the year, we developed a hand signal for him to signal to me that he needs to go to the bathroom (he holds up his index finger). This has been working out beautifully. Now, we are trying to get him to use his words. We talked about and practiced (before the snow days) ways he can tell me he needs to go to the bathroom:
"I need to go to the bathroom." "May I go to the bathroom?" etc...
Today, he came up to me and did his hand signal. I reminded him that we were going to try to use his words instead. "Oh yeah," he said, "I need to go number two."
We're making progress slowly!

Mating and news travels fast

We are done with genetics in science and are now talking about animal adaptations. Today we were talking about how some animals have coloring for a particular purpose like camouflage. The whole point of this unit is to notice the purpose of certain attributes on organisms. Anyway, we were talking about how some animals have coloring that attracts a mate. One boy veers slightly off topic and shares a comment that sparks a little discussion. Here goes:

Boy raises hand and I call on him-

Boy: "I am very interested in mating. I think it's alright that they can attract their mate with their coloring, but I prefer the way crickets do it. The man use their feet or wings to make a noise. Then the woman cricket falls under the trance of his noise and can't resist him."
Me: You are right about them making a noise, but I'm not sure about the trance part.
Another boy: "Whales do it that way too, Ms. F"

I'm still waiting for some boy to make a noise and put me under a trance...hehe

I got the best present today! I got to go to a meeting at the middle school (the meeting wasn't the present..believe me). Seeing my former students was! I loved seeing how much they've grown and really just how well they're doing. There was one little girl that I was really hoping to see. I was so proud of her growth in my class, and I can't wait to see all that she's going to do. Just as I was about to leave, a seventh grade student came up to me and was like, "You can't leave." When I asked him why, he said "Michelle (a former student of mine) really wants to see me and would you please wait for her." She, however, was no where in sight. I asked him where she was, and she mentioned a different part of the campus. I was confused, because I really didn't know how she knew I was there (this was kind of a last minute meeting). So, I asked him. He said, "Ms. F, having you here is kind of news, so I texted it to my friends. We're allowed to use our phones after dismissal. News travels fast around here."

So cute!

a comma shirt

Every teacher has topics they are passionate about. Topics that they won't let their kids leave their room without mastering. Mine is the comma. I joke with the kids and tell them that I should be the leader of the comma fan club and walk around wearing a comma t-shirt. They think this is ridiculous, and I knew they would; that's why I said it :). Anyway, sometimes they'll say they have something to give me, and then I'll say "is it a comma t-shirt?" It's become an odd classroom joke. Some kids actually drew pictures of comma shirts for me today! Here they are:

This is so cute to me! The fact that they took the time to draw these pictures to make me laugh touches my heart.

Special Toys

I was actually excited to see my little dudes and dudettes this morning. Over vacation I drastically cut my hair, and it was interesting to see who noticed. Rather, it was interesting to see how long it took some kids to notice :). It was a true test of who was observant.

Anyway, before break they wrote reports on a "Special Toy." It is supposed to be inspired from a book I read aloud to them. They liked the book (and the voices I do with it) until they realized there was a writing assignment they had to do. The focus of the assignment was to have them practice descriptive writing. It is interesting to me how young they sound in these writing pieces (especially the ones who try to seem tough at school). Here are some highlights:

A boy describing his bear: "It has limo black eyes and a hot chocolate brown nose." How does one go from limo black to hot chocolate?

Another boy wrote, "The reason I still have him is because I would be heartbroken to never saw my little buddy again."

Or, "there's something about his smile that just melts my heart."

I don't know what to make of this one: "Sometimes Lamby would get punched because he was my shield in the war against my family." With your brothers and sisters? I hope...

"My bear doesn't have a nose anymore because I ate it when I was young (at least that's what my parents told me)." Yum?

"Softy is a toy for snuggling only and not playing around. Most people don't understand that about him. He's not that kind of guy." I guess some toys are not for playing.

"Eilat is special because if you give her a hug when your sad, she won't ruin the moment by making some annoying squeaking sound." Yeah, you don't want to ruin those sad moments.

It was our first day back after vacation. I made the decision that I have to put an end to Butt Boy's exposure. I'm going to need to find a way to gently talk about it with him soon. It is just too much!

Vacation Memory

It's vacation, and I made myself a list of all the activities I'd like to do while I have some time off. I feel like I'm my own cruise director. It's fabulous! Like all teachers though, I am going to have to pause the party or end it early to do some hard-core planning. I don't have any journals to entertain you with this break. I do have this memory of an interaction I saw in the hallway between a student and my principal. It happened a long time ago, but it randomly puts a smile on my face. Maybe it can do the same for you:

Scene: Little boy (like 1st grade ish..aka 6-7 years old) walks down the hallway toward the bathroom. My principal walks down the hallway in the opposite direction.

Principal: Hi, Tommy.
Boy: (Stops, looks really confused and just smiles...walks a few steps and says) Hey, I know you! You're the lady I had to talk to after I said those bad words to my teacher.
Principal: Yes, isn't nice to just say hi when you're not in trouble?
Boy: I guess.

Haha...I know you!

Studying, Backstage & update

I tutor this little boy who is actually quite bright. He cracks me up because for the longest time he flat out refused to study. Then, he'd sit down with me and tell me how he "forgot" everything during the test, and it was really hard. I would always tell him that if he studied the test would have seemed easier. He made my day today because he found me at school and said, "Ms. F, you're right, studying does make tests easier." Honestly, it is those little moments that make it all worth it.

I had trouble not laughing out loud today during my kids MacBeth rehearsal. One of my boys can't really be backstage without an adult yet. Every time I think he is ready for the "responsibility," I end up regretting it. Anyway, I decided to avoid any regrets and wait backstage for his part. While we were waiting, a bunch of girls were on stage. He points to one and whispers, "Ms. F, it scares me that one day some of the girls in our class will be moms. If that girl were my mom, I'd hang myself." I, of course, told him how mean spirited that comment was (inside I was laughing). To which he responded, "all I'm saying is maybe she'll grow up if you know what I mean." I only reply, "SHH" Thankfully, his cue was soon, so I could laugh to myself.

And now for an update: The butt is still out and exposed. Each time it stares back at me, I'm reminded that I really should do something. Why doesn't this little boy get a clue? How many times does a teacher have to quietly ask you to fix your pants for you to think about talking to your parents about it? Honestly, doesn't he feel a breeze?

Snow

So, it's a snow day! My kids had declared it a snow day long before the school announced it. I love how superstitious some kids get with it. Some come in and decide, "Ms. F, I will not see you tomorrow. Don't miss me too much." Other kids get angry at those overly confident kids in fear that they will "jinx" the whole weather pattern. They say things like, "nice job, now that you keep saying that, we're all going to be stuck here tomorrow." Then, they spend part of the day discussing how to reverse the "jinx." Jinxed or not, I'm happy to get the chance to catch up on laundry and sleep late :).

A little girl I tutor told me that she was going to be very busy skiing today. Her family has a house on some very flat land. Nevertheless, when I got to her house yesterday, she was preparing to go "skiing" at her house. Today I can totally picture her making circles around her house on her skis. How cute!

Questions

Hi to all-

I am going through some notes about the week before I start to lesson plan, and I am faced with some funny situations that I have to decide what to do about. I am reaching out to my readers to write a comment on this blog and share their opinions on the following situations:

1) I have a student who's butt is constantly hanging out of his pants when he sits down. If we are doing partner work on the rug, the butt comes out. If he's at his desk, the butt comes out. In the lunch room, the butt comes out. It is everywhere! I have unfortunately seen more of this kid's rear end than I'd like. We have a serious plummer butt situation in the room. Usually, I quickly whisper to him to fix his pants, and he does it. The other kids in the class are starting to have a field day with this and some truly cannot concentrate when the butt is out (do you blame them?). Do I mention this to his parents coming from "a concerned teacher?" Do I just stay out of it and hope the kid mentions to his parents that he needs new pants or possibly a belt? Any thoughts?

2) Issue two: This is personally funny to me, because my parents used to say: "Make sure you brush your teeth so you don't kill your teacher with your breath." I used to say back to them that there was no way they'd smell my breath. But enough about my life...there is this child that I work 1 on 1 with who's breath is killing me. To give you picture of what kind of breath I'm talking about, if I work with her before lunch, I loose my appetite. That's hard to do with me! Anyway, I tried to gently bring it up with her two days ago, and the conversation went like this:

Me: (conveniently we had a morning tutoring time) Sweetheart, did you forget to brush you teeth this morning?
Girl: Nope
Me: Are you washing your retainer (the girl does have an unusual amount of appliances in her mouth) ?
Girl: Yeah

The little bugger denied it! So, I feel like to have take this battle to the next level. Do I grit my teeth and bare the stank? I could send her to the nurse who helps me with the deodorant boy-cotters that knock me over. Or, do I offer her some peppermint patties? I would invest a few dollars in the patties, seem like the nice teacher and help myself. Keep in mind, while this option is tempting it is further destroying her oral hygiene. I could also straight talk her, but she's such a sweet one. I'll feel bad.

Readers, these are the issues of our time (hehe)! Where do you stand?

Where'd you get that test?

I started tutoring a boy after school in math, and his teacher gave me a test that he scored a whopping 53% on. We sat down for a session today and had this interaction:

Boy: So, what are we doing today?
Me: We need to go over your last test in math.
Boy: Oh, I don't have it anymore.
Me: That's okay cause I do!
Boy: Wait, how do you have the test?
Me: Mrs. C gave it to me.
Boy: Where'd she get the test from?
Me: I'm not sure...let's get started.
Boy: No really, are you kidding with me? Where'd she get the test from?
Me: Why?
Boy: As soon as I saw that thing, I got rid of it. I was hoping no one, including me, would ever have to see it again.
Me: (opening my folder and pulling out the test) well, lucky for you, I have a fresh copy.
Boy: You teachers are crazy! This is just freaky.

Mirror Reading

not sure if you can read this but it cracks me up!

Babies of Teenagers

Science class today was really just reviewing and a chance for the kids to ask questions before their test this Friday. One boy raised his hand with this questions:

Boy: I get that offspring get half of their genes from each parent but what about babies from teenagers?
Me: What do you mean?
Boy: I've seen a pregnant teenager before. Is it the same for babies of teenagers? Or, do they get their genes from some place else?
Me: the science is the same no matter how old the parent is.

WOW! Where else would they get their traits?! hehe

1986

I was working with this girl I tutor on her explorer project. I was checking the work she had done before I got there and saw:

Henry Hudson
Born: 1986

When I told her that can't be right. We had this interaction:

Me: I love the project, but I think you are off on his birthday. Let's take out your research notes and check the year of his birth.
Girl: No, I know I'm right. 1986 was a long time ago. It's olden times.
Me: Hmm, how do you know it is olden times?
Girl: Any year that starts with 19 is old.

We ended doing a little math before she agreed to go back to her notes and book to check her information. I guess to a girl born in 2000, any year that starts with a 19 is "olden times."

Naked People

I forgot to post this one, and it made me laugh when I was randomly retelling the story yesterday. Here goes:

I tell the kids that if they are having trouble and want extra help to try to get to school a little early. This way, they can come right to the classroom and I can help them before other kids get there. This little boy told me that he was going to come in early the next day, because he was still confused about math. So he walks in and tells me this:

Boy: Ms. F, I would have gotten here sooner but now my brother and I are punished.
Me: That's okay, sit down and take out what you want help with
Boy: I'm still really annoyed about being punished first thing this morning
Me: What happened?
Boy: It's really my brother's fault anyway. You see, I couldn't sleep last night and I saw he was up so I went into his room even though I was supposed to be in my bed.
Me: Is that why you were punished?
Boy: No, my brother showed me that there were naked people on the internet. I didn't even know there were naked people on the internet. Did you know there were naked people on the internet, Ms. F?
Me: Nope (I prefer to play dumb in these situations. Every teacher has their own strategy.)
Boy: My parents heard us, came in the room, and now they're really mad, but I think they are more mad at my brother.

I eventually got him focused on his work, but haha. Oh boys!

Fertilization

We are further into our science unit on genetics. I am aware of how close many of these conversations get to sex, but I have to say this class really handles the conversations quite well. They had a review sheet to do covering many of the important ideas in the unit so far. A key concept of the unit is fertilization (when an offspring gets half of their genetic information from their father and the other half from their mother). On their review sheet, they had to define fertilization, and many of them did quite well. Here are some funny responses:

"when a sperm and an egg UNITE!" (yes, written in caps)

"the reproductive organs join and connect to produce an offspring" (haha- we never discussed the reproductive organs)

"when the sperm meets the egg and they decide to have a baby" (haha- we never talked about cells having a discussion either)

Literature Circles

I will flat out admit that I got annoyed today. I was initially annoyed by a tutor who kept me on the phone forever. Then, my students had a really hard time working together. We were doing literature circles. For those of you who don't know, literature circles are when the students read a passage and get an opportunity to share their thoughts based on their "job." There are jobs like "Scene Setter, Passage Master and Have-In-Common Connector. The first few times were great! The kids really seemed to get into their role. I toyed with the idea of stopping the groups, but the kids seemed to want the experience of trying each job. Anyway, today's literature circles had so much arguing and talking over each other. I stopped the groups and asked them to answer two questions on a sheet of lined paper: what is the problem in your group today? how do you suggest you fix the problem? I shared with them that a "boring" teacher would just have them take tests on the book. Here are some of the responses:

"In my group, people are talking over one another. People are also rudely arguing about something that isn't really relevant."

"Michael blames everything on me because he hates me."

"The problem in my literature circle is under the category of disrespect. There is a lot of side commentary and everyone is yelling."

"There are people in my group who aren't doing their homework and getting a way with it! It really annoys me. I think we should switch groups or get rid of the annoying people."

"Really, I just need to start doing my work..."

"I don't think fixing these problems will be easy. Most of the people that you put in temporary trouble bounce back to being bad. Maybe book tests are the way to go!"

They are so honest. They'll get another chance. I know they can do it because they have done it. There was something in the air today.

Vocabulary Cartoon

As a vocabulary assignment the kids have to draw the meaning of some of the words. Here are two pictures I particularly enjoyed:

(read from left to right to follow cartoon)

Yet Another Fist Fight

I'm not sure if I mentioned that two of my students got into a fist fight during an indoor recess last week. Sure enough, there was another one during dismissal. This was the explanation one boy gave about throwing the first punch:

Me: So, why did you punch him?
Boy: I didn't think in my mind that I was going to punch him. It doesn't work like that Ms. F.
Me: How does it work?
Boy: You think I'm really mad...so mad that I'm about to explode. Then, you put your fist out. If that other person's eye happens to be there, then it's not my problem. It's more of an accident.

Umm...nice try! Actually, it is your problem. The poor kid really thought that would somehow get him out of trouble.

Stripes and Marker Trick

This little boy in my class is out of school for strep throat. His mom asked if I could send some work home with his sister in kindergarten. I went to visit this little girl in kindergarten, and we started talking. We had this interaction:

Me: How's your brother feeling?
Girl: Not good. We had to take him to the Dr. yesterday after school. And, do you want to know something?
Me: Sure
Girl: The dr. looked down his throat and saw stripes.
Me: Really?
Girl: Yes, he looked down his throat and said he thinks he has stripe throat. Don't worry though, because he has some medicine now.

hehe...kindergarteners are just funny.

Now on to markers...I have this bad habit when I teach. I am usually holding a pen or a marker, and I somehow like to throw it in the air (so it flips a little) and catch it. It is never in range of someone getting hit . I make sure of that, and it is never very high (remember, it's ME we're talking about). Today this "habit" did something that amazed us all. I was standing at the chalk board and I threw the marker up (maybe a bit too high this time), it went over my head, and with my poor catching skills, I somehow hit the marker and it landed right on the chalk holder under the chalkboard. The kids were totally amazed, and it totally distracted them from what was less exciting at the moment...my lesson. "WOW! That was so cool! Did you do that on purpose?" one boy asked. Umm, of course! ;)

Can't Wait

During our reading lesson yesterday, the story talked about how a girl was so excited to go on a trip. At the end of the story, she said "I just can't wait." After we read the story, I was asking questions to check their understanding. I asked, "Did she leave yet?" One boy raised his hand and said, "Ms. F, it is obvious that she got on the train already because it says she can't wait. She actually can't wait, so she has to have gotten on the train." I thought the expression "I can't wait," meaning I'm excited, was so totally common....guess not

Clapping

This isn't as funny as it is just simply mind-boggling to me. Today, we sat through a middle school production of Annie Jr (which is like the real show of Annie just shortened). Anyway, throughout the show I noticed my students didn't clap. Furthermore, they didn't clap at the end of the show. You're probably thinking...there must have been some students who clapped. I kid you not! Not one student clapped.

I was so shocked that I had to bring this up in class when we got back. I said, "Raise your hand if you've ever been to a show before." They ALL raised their hands. Raise your hand if you can describe "good audience behavior." A girl raised her hand and said sit quietly, don't kick the chair in front of you, share the arm rest. I proceeded to talk to them about clapping. I actually had to teach them about showing respect at a show. One boy raised his hand and asked, "what if you didn't like the show? do you still have to clap?"

It is just funny to me that this is even something I have to teach in 5th grade. Does anyone else think this is weird?

Have you ever heard of...?

It makes me feel dated when there are some aspects of pop culture that my students just weren't alive to know about. A few weeks ago, I made a reference to Dennis the Menace in class, and the kids were like....who's he? Full House, they know about because it is on Nick and Night with the "old fashioned" shows. Today, I had one of those moments during indoor recess, when they are forced to occupy themselves for a half hour. Anyway, a group of my boys were playing the game Apples to Apples. I've never played, but one boy came up to me and said: "Have you ever heard of this person 'ch (as in the first should in the word chair) er? I was like, "let me see the card" It was Cher!

Saturdays at the Bake Sale

It's been awhile since I've posted. It's been a very busy week back.

A little boy made me laugh today by the way he answered a math question. He had to read information off a bar graph, use the values to add two sets of numbers, and then say which one is the larger value. Finally, as most math curriculums like to emphasize, he also had to explain how he knew his answer was correct. The graph gave results of how many of each kind of baked good was sold at the bake sale. He had to figure out which day (Friday or Saturday) sold the most baked goods in all. Before he did any adding, he said, "this is easy. I know the answer." Being a teacher, I said, "I really want you to show your work. No mental math please." So he started calculating, and he said, "I got the answer I expected, so I know why it's right." The answer was Saturday sold more. The explanation we were looking for is something along the lines of I know Saturday was more profitable than Friday because Saturday sold more baked goods. He wrote, "Saturday sold more baked goods because most people are off from work, and they take a break from their diets with bakery food." So cute!

Genetics Lesson

Last night I had this nightmare that I had to be in meetings again all day unexpectedly. I was so relieved this morning when I realized it was just a bad dream. Anyway, it was great to be back with the kids again. I don't think they were nearly as happy to see me as I was to see them.
Nothing was really striking me as funny until my science lesson on genetics. There's a part where we introduce words that have the prefix homo- and hetero-(heterozygous and homozygous). My favorite part of that lesson is to look at the reaction on kids faces. The kids holding back laughter and smiling are making the connection to hetero-sexual and homo-sexual. They think it is hysterical because they are ten. One boy has this smile that makes me laugh because it looks like the smile on the Grinch. It is big and shaped funny too! Most of the kids are clueless to what the other kids are laughing at. I always try to assume there are a few mature ten year old who get the connection but are actually not laughing....maybe. The best thing to do it keep moving with the lesson. I did overheard this interaction though:

Boy 1 (with a sly look on his face): I've heard other words with the homo and hetero prefix. I've heard someone call another person a homo once. It wasn't very nice!
Boy 2 (a totally clueless science-y kid): There's nothing mean about calling someone a homo. When you call someone a homo, you are just saying they are a homo-sapien.
Boy 1: That is definitely not what it means.
Boy 2: What else could it be?
Boy 1: If you don't know, I'm not allowed to tell you. (Phew!)
Boy 2: Well, I think you are wrong anyways.

I love boy 2's innocence, and his "Mr. Know-it-All" attitude actually come in handy :).

Euros and Natives!

My class is in its explorer unit, and I spend part of today grading their homework. The assignment asked questions about a lesson we did in class, and the kids were encouraged to use their notes to answer the questions. In our explorer unit, a key concept is the Columbian Exchange (Columbian, as in Columbus and not Columbia, the country). The Columbian Exchange is the transfer of ideas and goods between the Native Americans and the Europeans during this time period (for those who need a quick refresher). In the homework, the question was: describe the Columbian Exchange with supporting details. One student wrote:

"The Columbian Exchange is when the Natives and the Euros had this, well, trade thing going on. The Euros gave the Natives a variety of things. Some were good and some were bad. The Natives did the same for the Euros."

Yikes! I cannot get over his use of "Euros" and "Natives (not to mention the fact that he didn't provide any detail)." There is, for sure, "see me" written on his paper. We need to discuss proper ways to refer to groups of people.