Oatmeal? Mold? Pet? What?

I always thought this kid was a little off, and this journal entry confirms it.

"Oatmeal, my pet slime mold, who hates light and eats oatmeal, is surprisingly a protist. It is small and yellow-orange colored. It is tree shaped and doesn't emit any sound. If you touch it, it feels bumpy, hard and moist. When you touch it you usually get wet oatmeal on your hand. It is also very odorly [note to self: go over that odorly is not a word]. It smells bad like a stink worm. Really, it is just utterly disgusting. Despite all of the negative things I said, oatmeal is one of my favorite pets. I only have two pets."

So many questions:
1) Will someone let me know if they believe oatmeal can actually be a pet? I thought oatmeal was just a breakfast food.
2) Are stink worms real?

Most importantly, will someone give this kid a real toy? He's playing with oatmeal !